A Whole New Story.....

Hey. Remember me? I'm Carrie. The one who used to (not-even-so-regularly-then) post on this blog. Ya know, back in the days when we were adopting our two kids (Serwaa & Konto) from Ghana, West Africa. But then the kids got home. And I kinda stopped writing. Not that I had nothing to say! There were soooooo many funny things that I wish I would've recorded over the last few years! There were lots of firsts for the new kiddos. There was lots of sibling jealousy. There was an endless amount of hilarious stories due to my children not fully understanding English.... I just got busy and stopped blogging.

But I'm back. (You're welcome. Haha!) And I have a lot to say. But first- I guess I should fill in what all has happened since I last posted. Here's the quick recap:

In March 2014, I went back to Ghana. This time it had nothing to do with adoption. It was more like a mission trip. (We now have a small non-profit working in Ghana.) We were there to deliver medical supplies to a new hospital, purchase chickens for an orphanage poultry farm, have clothes made for the orphanage kids, deliver Bibles, and pay school fees for the high school & college age orphans. (And probably some other things I forgot...) Anyways- that was it.

While there I met 6 month old twin baby girls at one of the orphanages. No big deal. I'm more of a fan of older children. That was mid March. Near the first of May, we got news that the twins had fallen ill, been diagnosed as HIV+, and were taken to (and left at) the government hospital where they were expected to 'expire'. No one was able to care for them due to their illness. Furthermore, it was going to be fairly impossible to find an adoptive family in time. (The Social Welfare officer in that area was requiring that a family meet the kids, then return in  a month to adopt if they still felt compelled.) On top of that, this particular orphanage had never done an adoption. A family would need an agency to walk them through the process. Unless...... that family was VERY familiar with Ghana adoption & could proceed without an agency. (This would be ideal because the process would go quicker without hiring an agency and waiting for them to get everything in order.) But- the family would have move very quickly in order to get through court & file immigration paperwork before the US law changed (on July 14, 2014) to REQUIRE families to use an agency to adopt. This wouldn't be possible- unless the family had already met the girls a month prior (thus skipping the month-long waiting period SW required). As it so happened, I had already met the girls, was familiar with the process, and we were comfortable working without an agency. So, it began.

After a very short adoption process, the girls made it home on September 20th, two days before their first birthday.

Well, I said I was going to tell the short version. I may have lied. Sorry. But now you're caught up. So here we are with 5 kids. And two of them with a disease that terrifies most of the world.

That's where I'm stopping for tonight. But it is only the beginning of what I have to say.....

Finally Someone's.....

A friend of mine is in Ghana today. She is there to spend time with two boys who are very near to the hearts of my family. (And the hearts of any other family who has spent time with them!) These two boys have been the source of many sleepless nights around here. I often wondered if I just shouldn't have agreed when a very serious 12 year old boy asked me to promise that I would try to find him a family. Considering the odds of two teenage boys actually getting adopted, that has been a very heavy weight to bear. For 2 years, it seemed hopeless. I was so desperate that I actually emailed 30-something churches just to ask if anyone there would be interested in adopting 2 boys! Not a single one replied.

The first attempt at social media didn't go over well either. But eventually, something happened. A wonderful lady had the idea to start a Facebook page specifically for waiting children who had no agency to advocate for them. On this page, detailed info could be shared with families. Info that I wasn't comfortable posting openly all over the internet. People started caring for children they never met. Some wonderful people started very actively advocating for the boys.

And then one day...

By 'chance', the right family happened to find these boys. Their sons.

I am just thrilled thinking of those two teenage boys who finally have a 'mum'. I am so thankful for the amazing family who was willing to take a chance on two older boys. I will be eternally grateful that I will never have to get another text begging me to not forget.

I will never have to answer the phone again to hear, "Please, will someone come for us?"

My sleep comes much easier these days.

All the Reasons Why...

During our (extremely long) adoption process, I read alot about 'high-risk, older child adoption'. There's ALOT of information out there on this subject. Most of it isn't very encouraging. Actually- most of it is just plain terrifying.



'Older child adoption' refers to the adoption of any child over the age of 3. I guess ours qualified as a super-duper older child adoption! After reading olderchildadoption.com, we pretty much expected the worst. We were afraid that attachment would come very slow for both us & the kids. (It's kinda different than just having a baby & immediately loving it.)



To make matters worse, ours weren't just 'older kids'. They were 'older, institutionalized kids'. That pretty much guarantees major issues.(Or so we have read.) Institutionalization is estimated to cause one month of delay for every 3 months the child spends in the orphanage. Ours were there for 5 & a half years. They were doomed.



We were encouraged to adopt a much younger child by lots of people. Friends, our social worker, the online adoption community... None of them meant to be discouraging, just trying to look out for us.



These are all the reasons why adopting an older child from an orphanage is too risky, especially if you are adopting two of them.

Now I'll tell you why it's worth the risk.



There are two beautiful children living in my house who are no longer orphans. They love being loved. Quite honestly, the attachment has been SO easy from the first time we met in Ghana. It was funny, because from day one we would always share my water. But I've noticed that I never drink after Malorie's friends. I think it's gross. But I'll drink after Malorie, Serwaa & Konto.



I don't struggle to treat them the same as my biological daughter. I'm not grossed out by their poop or throw-up. (But I will gag if someone else's kid pukes here!) Seriously, loving them is unexplainably easy.



In return, they seem to be doing great with attachment too. Research told us that the first 6 months would be extrememly difficult. But it's almost 3 months home, and it's all good. If I were a kid living with a new family, I would be super awkward! But Serwaa & Konto don't even seem to notice they weren't always ours! They usually wake up early, come get in my bed & snuggle as close to me as they can. They beg me to carry them downstairs (and everywhere else). Konto will move my stuff over & hang his pictures on the fridge. Serwaa stands 2 inches away from me the whole time I cook. They are just as quick to tell on Malorie as she is to tell on them. (That's what I'm most proud of. They aren't timid- they know they are equal!) And nighttime. Konto keeps his arm around me, kisses me and asks me to stay until he goes to sleep. Serwaa gives me a ton of kisses and just stares at me with a huge smile. The past couple of months have been absolutely wonderful.



If you actually got to the end of this post, thanks! I know it is long. But there's too many people out there saying 'older child adoption' isn't worth it. I want to at least be one small voice that says, "Yes. It is."

Things I've Heard This Week...

A little girl who lives at the orphanage: "Don't mind them. They're only villagers."


Another girl from the orphanage: "I also have a white human. Her name is Janet." (She was joking, she doesn't really have a white human.)


Serwaa, upon seeing the ocean: "O! It is tooooo big! God can do aaaanyting!!"

Then this morning. We were landing in DC around 6:30am. It was still dark. Serwaa said: "The sun? It does not come to the US?" (It's up before 6am in Ghana) She was concerned!


Serwaa, once we landed: "Will we go to Obama now?"


Another girl at the orphanage: "Why did God make you with nice skin & nice hair, and he made us like this? Please, next time you come, bring the lotion." (The kind that lightens black skin.) Such a sad thing to come from the mouth of such a beautiful little girl. Who knows where she got the idea that they are less beautiful. Could be that half the billboards in Ghana are promoting skin lightening cream. So, so sad.

Thursday...

This hotel is pretty nice. It has A/C (which I have to keep cutting of b/c it makes us cold), hot water, a fridge, tv (with satelite) and a towel! It even included free breakfast for one! (Which we all ate.) When we left the hotel we first went for some bread that has onion & meat in it. Then we headed to the beach. It is so nasty! But- the kids were amazed! Konto said, "This water is bigger!" They couldn't believe it was so big they couldn't see it all! They stood in the edge & ran from the water. They climbed on the rocks. We even rode a horse around. (Although I ended up paying 5 cedis each!) We saw the fishermen emptying their nets. We saw several people using the bathroom on the beach. And you had to always look where you were walking so as not to step in people poop. Ew.
After we came back to the hotel for awhile, we went back out to get Serwaa's hair done. It was looking pretty scraggly. And believe it or not- it was done in an air conditioned building! And- it only took 1.5 hours! I was prepaired for way more! Even better- it only cost 5 cedis! (About $3 USD) After that, we went to a spot for chicken & rice. We all shared a plate & all had soft drinks. It was expensive, but fun! The kids got to try sprite for the first time, and loved it! I should've recorded that first face! There are SO many firsts with these two, it's exciting!

Now we're in the hotel again. They are drawing pictures of my house, which is really cute! Then we will watch TV, read books, and go back out for supper!

I can't believe tomorrow is our last day here! "Grandmother" and "Ghana Mother" will come here tomorrow to see us off at the airport! It will be hard to watch. Grandmother will be fine, she's a strong lady. 'Ghana mother' (their previous caregiver, technically their Aunt) will be sad. I know it is hard for her. But she is glad they are going. She is glad about all of the opportunity they will have that she'll never be able provide. Opportunities she never had. It seemed that it was harder on her than it was the children. (We already said goodbye once at the orphanage, before she decided to come see them off.) I guess it's because the kids were younger when they left her. But, I'm sure it's still hard for them.


I really am excited to get home with them though! And a side note, Serwaa keeps staring at herself & her new hair in the mirror. She knows she's gorgeous! Her & Malorie will get along well!

A Long Post...

Hey- I haven't had internet access for almost a week! So, where to start... The flight I guess. It was long. Since I'm usually relatively calm, I suprised myself by feeling anxious. Nervous. Fearful really. When we left America, I stared back at the land until it was completely out of sight. Like I was trying to hold on to my previous life as long as I could. I was shocked that I felt that way, because I'd tried so hard to get to this point! "Grandmother" (as the kids call her) met me at the airport in Ghana. She's the orphanage directress. We went straight to the bus stop, then on to Kumasi & eventually Offinso. My plane landed at 1:30pm. We got to Offinso at 11:30pm, so I went straight to the hotel. Same room as last year! I went to sleep with the same apprehensive feelings. (Hate to admit it, but I'm just being realistic for those who may feel the same thing in the future.)

The next morning I went to the orphanage. When I saw the kids, all of that anxiety went away. I really love them so much! Serwaa said, "They told me that you will come yesterday. So I stayed up all night, but you didn't come."

We've had a good time so far. The kids haven't been begging me to buy everything this time. And they don't pout when I say no. I've also been able to spend lots of time talking to 'Grandmother', and the kids' "Ghana Mother" (not their bio mother). I feel like finally I've been able to unravel their whole history. I'm glad to know all I can.


The kids seem excited most of the time. But, Serwaa did cry herself to sleep last night. So sad. But- they are happy today, and wanting to go to the airport already.


This morning we left Offinso for the last time (for now, I plan to visit again one day). Now we are at Ocean Sky hotel. I'm pretty sure it's right on the beach. But it's so dark outside, I'll have to wait til morning to find out! The room is great! (Despite the bed being hard as a rock!) We have soap and a towel!! Love it! We also have cartoon network! Which is nice, because I killed the DVD player. I borrowed an adapter to plug it in. It was the wrong one & it fried. Which I hate because we will go to Accra airport 6 hours early, then have a 7 hour layover in DC. Ugh!

I have much more to say, but I'll save it!

The Other Side...

I am SO excited to be on the way to Ghana to FINALLY bring my children home. It still doesn't even seem real. I can't wait to hold them again. I can't wait for them to meet my husband and daughter. I can't wait to tuck them into bed at night, or snuggle on the couch watching movies. I am thrilled beyond measure!


I know Serwaa & Konto are excited that I am coming. (They know I am bringing them candy & gifts!) I know they are excited about America. But- I can't help but feel bad for them. I can't begin to imagine how scary it must be to leave EVERYTHING. I can't imagine going with someone I barely know to a new country, where everyone looks, sounds and smells different. It's sad enough to have to go through the events that led to them living in an orphanage in the first place. And now- they have to experience that loss again. The orphanage has been their home for over 5 years. The people there are like their family. I know this time has a happier ending. I just hate that they are about to lose everything, again. I am so glad they have each other.


Please keep them in your prayers. It's going to be rough. But- it's going to be wonderful at the same time!


I can't believe they will FINALLY be ours, forever!

Silence....

Ok. I'm gonna have to be a drama queen for a minute. WHERE ARE MY KIDS AND WHY IS NO ONE ANSWERING THE PHONE IN GHANA!?! The last embassy appointment was supposed to be yesterday. My rep ALWAYS answers her phone. But I have called all day today with no luck! It's so strange that she wouldn't have called yesterday to tell me how the embassy appointment went. I need some info! I need to know that her & the kids are okay. And some good news about their visas would be a nice bonus.

I HATE living on a different continent than my kids! WAAAAAAA!


Okay. I'm done now. And to all of my real life friends, whom I graciously spared from verbally hearing my drama queen moment- you're welcome.

Tuesday It Is...

My rep in Ghana will be going back to the Embassy on Tuesday, October 11th to turn in our paperwork. A whole day early! You know it's sad when I'm really that excited about one day. It's just one day! But I guess after waiting 'one more day' for 657 days, that's how people start acting!

The kids must know it is close. Joseph calls constantly to see if I know when I am coming. I'm not sure who is more excited- my children, or him!

On Monday, I got to speak to Yaa Serwaa for a minute. Usually, she will ask to speak to her "seesta". But this time she said, "I want to speak to Malorie". It was so cute! I didn't know she knew Malorie's name! (She must have learned it from the drawings & cards Malorie sent to her.) It totally made Malorie's day. It's so funny though- they just say 'hello' back and forth a few times. That's their whole conversation pretty much!


So now to the ever-asked question: When do the kids come home?

Well, who knows! Several people lately have had their visas approved on the spot. Their visas are being printed within a few weeks of their visa interview. Others have turned in all of their paperwork at the visa interview, and are still in the 'administrative processing' stage for months & counting. So I guess it's like the lottery. Everybody knows how our luck has been so far, so say a prayer for us on Tuesday! We need it!

The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week...

I used to love that book: Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. It was funny then. Not so much when your whole week goes that way!

Everybody knows the visa interviews didn't go as planned. But to add to the frustration- the cost to FedEx the new piece of paperwork was $117. Not to mention the extra $500 that had to be sent to finish the adoption. (My rep lives 8 hours from Accra. So every time she goes to the embassy she has to take the kids, spend the night & eat there. Which is all more expensive than it is in Offinso.)


Then, last Friday, my van's transmission broke. I just bought this van 2 months ago to accomodate my soon-to-be-larger family. After getting quotes from dozens of mechanics, I made a decision. Of course, they found something else in the transmission that was broken. So my $1,400 repair is now a $2,400 repair.

The whole week has been so frustrating that it's almost comical! Just like the book.
 

A Big Mess...

Sadly, that's what I think about our embassy right now! I hate to say that, because whoever answers the email seems pretty nice. But man, are they not on the same page over there!

I had emailed them recently about our follow up appointment. First, they said the problem with the first visa attempt was that my rep provided a photocopy of the POA, & all they needed was an original. That wasn't true. She had the original, notarized copy- it just didn't have the birthdates on them.

So I told them that the embassy officer at our interview asked for birthdates on the POA. I also said I had mailed it to Ghana & asked when my rep could bring it in. They promptly emailed back to say she had been given an open appointment, & could bring it any Monday, Tuesday or Thursday at 1pm.


I called my rep today. She said the embassy officer had given her an appt card for October the 12th, not an open appointment!

So there you have it- a big mess! It seems that this particular officer is doing her own thing, and the embassy has no idea! It's a little ridiculous that the right hand doesn't know what the left hand is doing!


The point of all this rambling is: I don't know when our rep will turn in the new POA. She is scared that she will travel 8 hours to Accra, pay to spend the night there, and then not be let in if she goes before October 12th. Do better America!!!

New POA & the Embassy...

It's in Ghana. The new power of attorney letter with the kids' birthdates. Our representative said that FedEx called her yesterday to say that she could pick it up in Kumasi today.



In other news- I had emailed the embassy to ask why they scheduled our next appointment for Oct 12th, instead of giving us an open appointment- which is the norm. They actually emailed back very quickly to say that we were given an open appointment. The new paperwork can be brought in any Monday, Tuesday or Thursday! So, I'm not sure where the Oct 12th idea came from. Maybe the officer had told our rep wrong. Maybe that's just when she planned to return. Who knows.

But anyways- I asked our rep if she could just go straight from Kumasi today & spend the night in Accra so the paperwork could be turned in immediately. She said she wasn't sure, but would decide today after she picked up the paperwork.

So, that's where we are. I hate not knowing when our paperwork will be turned in. Hopefully I will find out sometime tonight. Hopefully it will all happen sooner than later.

Another Month...

The kids did not get their visas this time. The embassy officer asked that I send a new power of attorney letter, this time with the children's birthdates listed on it. I'm not sure why, it's on their birth certificates, passports, social welfare report... Does it really need to be on the POA too? Appearantly so. I hate that something so small is keeping my children at an orphanage for another month. But- I can't change it. Their next chance is Oct 12. Maybe that one will go better.



Visa Medicals...

Joseph called yesterday morning (at 6am) to tell me that the Serwaa & Konto had gone to Accra. That means they are getting their visa medicals! They will be there for 3 days. I totally wish I was there with them. I am just dying to take them to the beach. (I don't think they've ever seen the ocean.)


Joseph also wanted to remind me about the Iphone he requested. I finally told him how much they cost, and that he may not get one. He didn't argue. He's so sweet. But, I'll keep looking- just in case.
 

YoYo...

This morning I got an email from the embassy confirming the visa date I requested: September 19th, 2011!




Then, 20 minutes later, I got another email stating they were recalling their previous email.



Five minutes after that, I got a 3rd email. This time confirming (again) my appointment for September 19th.



So, I guess that's it! The kids are set to have a visa appointment one month and 1 week from today! I hope I will get to bring them home before September ends.



Unfortunately, the embassy has recently told someone that they will be taking an additional 1-2 months to process visas. I hope that doesn't happen. I was planning on it taking about 10 days. I am SO ready!

The Dreaded Email...

Well, I sent it. The dreaded email. The one asking the embassy to schedule our visa interview for Sept 19th instead of Aug 29th. Thought it was gonna kill me to hit the 'send' button. But- I did it. Now I will wait for a response. I just hope they'll give me that date, not a later one!

But Not Today...

So today I emailed the embassy again. This time to ask for a visa interview date. And again, I got a response SAME DAY! Unfortunately, they offered a date on Aug 29th! I was hoping they'd give me a date in mid-September since that's when my POA will be back in the US. It's just gonna be such an awful feeling tomorrow when I email them to ask to back the date up by 3 weeks! Ugh...




Anyways, I can't believe how close we are! Still doesn't seem too real though. Today I almost panicked about not having the kids' rooms finished. I almost panicked about how drastically our family is about to change. I even almost panicked that I will be forever committed to driving a minivan. But not today.



Not sure at what point it'll officially seem real. But not today.
 

Visa Packet...

I awoke this morning to a phone call from Ghana. The embassy email I had forwarded to our POA was not received. Panic. (Can't pick up the visa packets without the email.) She was already in Accra & it was nearing 2pm (the time the packets have to be picked up). So, I re-sent it. This time she got it. She was unsure if she'd be able to get it printed from the internet cafe & get to the embassy in time. But she did it! She never ceased to amaze me with her efficiency!

So, next week while she is in the US, someone else will take the children to Accra for their medicals. (They will actually have to stay there 3 days. Also, I think the Acai House has raised their prices. So...we get to Western Union several hundred unexpected dollars. Not my favorite thing to do, but I've never seen my POA spend any money on herself. If she asks for it, I know it is legitimately needed.)

Best part- now I can request a visa interview date! As much as I want to request one NOW, I'll have to request it for mid-September when my POA returns. But if that goes smooth (don't laugh, it could happen!), we'll have them by the end of September hopefully!

Seems like maybe I can see a light at the end of the tunnel!
 

Just in Time...

I sent another desperate email to the embassy this morning. I wasn't very hopeful since the last 5 went unanswered. BUT- they emailed back! They said my visa packet is ready for pickup. It can be picked up any Wednesday at 2pm! Since my POA will be leaving next Tuesday for the US, we pretty much only have tomorrow. So I called to see if it can be done. (It was around 7pm in Ghana when I called.) She is going to try to make it tomorrow! She'll have to leave pretty early in the morning to make it to Accra. I'm so thankful that she agreed to something so last minute!




Furthermore, she will only be staying in the US for one month! I think she originally planned a longer trip. So I'm thankful that she'll be back by mid-September when my visa date will probably be! All that worrying for nothing! I'm sure there will still be plenty of mountains that need to be moved, but at least there is a small light at the end of the tunnel.



And to make the day better, I got to see an old friend that I haven't seen for 8 or 9 years today! It was so nice to talk to her again. And to know that there are still truly selfless, genuine, giving people like her in the world!


All in all- not a bad day!

White Flag....

At least in a war you can surrender. A race you can quit. And in 'Say Uncle' you can.... well, say 'uncle'.

But you can't quit in adoption. You can't give up, even when you feel like there's nothing else you can do. It seems like every force in the world is fighting against us...

My agency kept my dossier 7 months before it went to Ghana.
USCIS moved offices & lost my paperwork for 7 months.
We waited 5 months on a death cert the agency was suppose to have a year ago.
I was given the wrong ages for the kids, so I had to have my homestudy amended.
Our fingerprints expired and had to be re-done...
And a few other more devastating details I won't even go into.

Last night I was told that our POA will be leaving the country next week. I don't know how long she'll be gone, but I'm sure it will be a while. She is the one who was going to do my visa interview. But I can't be mad at her for leaving. This trip was planned a LONG time ago. She's already put it off several times trying to finish the 2 adoptions she was working on. Unfortunately, mine was going too slow. I guess she got tired of waiting on nothing.

So...I have no idea when the kids will be home. We're getting close to the 2-year mark for this adoption. I am too tired to fight anymore. Too tired to pray. Too tired to cry. I feel like Moses in the battle of Rephidim. Can't even hold up my own hands, even though we're losing the battle.