One Wild Year....

Well, this has been a year for the record books. I just turned 32. And man, has it been one crazy year. This time a year ago, I was in Africa. In fact, I was meeting my future daughters. Only that I had NO idea that they were my daughters. I mean.... NOOOOO idea.

You see, I don't do babies. I'm just not a baby person. Babies are very stressful creatures. You always have to check to see if they're still breathing. You have to decide on vaccines. They wake you up in the middle of the night.... Not that I dislike them really. But they don't even talk. And I am only mildly amused by their cuteness. Just not my thing. I've said a million times that I would never adopt a baby. I REALLY wanted to adopt a 10 year old boy. DEFINITELY not a baby.

But, my friend and I were at this particular orphanage to deliver medical supplies and hospital beds. For some reason, the Aunties there put the babies in our arms. And took pictures with our cameras. Like some sort of photo-op. Whatever. We just went with it. As we left the orphanage that day, I sat in the taxi and told my friend that I just don't know why people are so eager to adopt babies. I told her that I just wasn't attracted to the idea at all. I didn't even give a 2nd thought to those twins. Seems so odd to say that now. But there was nothing there. It wasn't in my plan. AT ALL. But, God apparently had another plan. (And was probably laughing at me that day.)

You see, a month later, I saw this message on facebook:

It is with much sadness that we share the news, that our twin baby girls have been diagnosed as HIV positive, are very sick in hospital, and the doctors expect them to survive only another few months. Please keep these precious little girls in your prayers and thoughts. We miss them so much already at the orphanage, and are heartbroken to know they will not be coming home to us.

So I did what anyone would do- started looking for someone else to adopt them. This plan IMMEDIATELY fell through because the adopting family would've had to have already met the girls prior to adopting them. And they'd have to have photo evidence of meeting them (as well as passport stamps) to provide as proof to the court. This is the only way the adoption could be processed in time. After some discussion, the orphanage agreed to care for the babies if the adoption could be processed immediately.

So there it was. There was no option. NONE. And an amazing thing happened. God started to burn these children into my heart. It had to be Him. Because it sure wasn't like me to become so fiercely in love with babies. Remember, that's just not my thing!! But all of the sudden, I would do ANYTHING in my power for them. And we did.  We had to fight hard to get them here in time. We had to willingly lay down some relationships due to fear. We had to give up our easy life with only 3 older kids. (NOTHING is as easy with two babies.) And during this whole process another cool thing happened. God took the blinders off of my eyes. I can't believe I hadn't seen it coming. He had been preparing us all along!!

First of all, He had led me to this orphanage. I had only made contact with them to look for info on a long lost relative of my older kids. That contact was maintained until I actually went there on a mission trip, where I would meet the girls.

For some unexplainable reason, I had become intrigued by HIV a couple of years ago. I read. ALOT. I followed people's blogs who were open about their HIV kids. And I learned alot. So much that I couldn't stop talking about it. I've had several conversations about it with multiple people at the pool just because. I would find a way to throw the topic into any conversation I could. I just wanted people to know how different HIV is now than it used to be. I even told my friend Lisa once (the same one who was with me in Ghana) that if I ever adopted again, it would probably be HIV+ kids. (Because apparently we always adopt in pairs.) Of course, I meant OLDER HIV+ kids. Because that's my thing.

I had dreamed many, many times that I had twin baby girls. Each dream, a chief in Ghana would bring me two baby girls and say that I should raise them as my own. But of course, dreams are always off-the-wall stuff that makes no sense, right? Or so I thought.... As it turns out, the orphanage director- the one who helped me with the adoption- is a local chief.

My older girls had begged for twin baby sisters. (Because they each wanted one to play with like a doll.) They had planned out the sleeping arrangements. (Each girl would have a baby sleeping on a trundle bed with her, and would just tuck the bed back in every morning.) I just kept telling them they'd have to wait til they had their own kids. But they were convinced they should have twin baby sisters.

In fact, when me and Marie went to pick up the twins, Marie found twin African dolls (with babies on their backs) that she wanted to buy for the girls. But I had to tell her no. Because we already had them. Malorie and Serwaa (my older daughters) had happened to find those SAME African dolls at Goodwill the year before!! They insisted on buying them in case they ever had twin baby sisters to give them to. (This was probably before the twins were even born! Or at least around the same time!!)

I really don't know how I didn't see it coming. I'm sure there was more that I'm forgetting. It all makes sense now though. Not AT ALL what I had planned. But His ways are better than my own.....

An Update on the Twins....

A lot has been going on for our girls this month. They have met with a nutritionist, their infectious disease doctor, and had an evaluation for physical therapy. We are so lucky to have such an awesome team of people to work with our girls!

The nutritionist: Has given us a few things to change in the girls' diet. We will now be gradually switching Akos from formula to Pediasure (to increase her calorie intake). We were unable to do this from the beginning because of the dangers of 're-feeding syndrome'. (Which we have learned is deadly. Severely malnourished kids have to be careful to not overwhelm their systems. Or something like that.) We also have to feed her as much organic food as possible. This has something to do with having a weaker immune system. (The girls were getting very fidgety by this point in the conversation, so I'm not as informed as I should be!) Akos is now at about the .5th percentile for weight/height for her age.

Ataa is still struggling to grow. She is only in the .078th percentile (which is not even on the chart). She still has horribly dry, itchy skin. The nutritionist suggested that we at least try a month-long trial of being completely milk-free. Her formula was switched to a high calorie lactose free kind. If this helps her skin, she will stay on it for a good long while. Even though she eats baby food and some table food, the formula will help ensure she is getting all she needs until she gets to a safer weight.

Infectious Disease: Had some great news. When Ataa first started treatment for HIV, her viral load (number of HIV copies in a milliliter of blood) was over 260,000. After only 2 months of treatment, her viral load is now around 2,866. Akos' viral load started out at around 160,000 and is now around 2.400.  Their CD4 cell count started out in the 300s. While they weren't able to get enough blood drawn to let us know what it is now, we can assume it is increasing! (Enabling their bodies to more effectively fight off infections.) Furthermore, we get to skip a month of blood draws! We don't go again until January! It is very possible that the virus will be undetectable in their blood at that time!

In fact, the ID doctor has always made it known that HIV isn't even the big deal. Right now the biggest threat to their health is actually a different diagnosis: Failure to Thrive.

Infants or children who fail to thrive have a height, weight, and head circumference that do not match standard growth charts. The person's weight falls lower than 3rd percentile (as outlined in standard growth charts) or 20% below the ideal weight for their height. Some children who fail to thrive exhibit the following symptoms:

• delays in reaching developmental milestones such as rolling over, crawling, and talking
• learning disabilities
• lack of emotions such as smiling, laughing, or making eye contact
• fatigue
• irritability
• delayed puberty in teens

And lastly, they discussed the girls' umbilical hernias. He said these should go away on their own. If they don't, they will have surgery around 5 years old to fix it.

Physical Therapy: The twins' recently had an evaluation to see if they qualify for in-home physical therapy due to their developmental delays. It was determined that they are both delayed pretty much across the board, and qualify for services. Many delays come from lack of stimulation. Others (like the inadequate facial muscle tone) do not. We are being set up with a professional who will come out on a weekly basis to work with the girls toward reaching developmental milestones.

Akos is actually already crawling. She is very active and is making some pretty interesting 'words'. She can easily pull up to stand, and is excellent at feeding herself. And she will dance to ANY beat she hears! She is now 14 lbs.

Ataa is still much weaker, but pretty alert. She is trying really hard to crawl, but gets frustrated very quickly. She is very lethargic most of the day, but does have small bursts of energy every once in a while. She can't pull to stand on her own. And she's not quite as precise about feeding herself as Akos is. She is babbling more and more, but still mostly makes beginner sounds: ba, ma, da... Ataa weighs 12 lbs now!


So, that's about it. They still have a long way to go. But I think they're off to a pretty good start.

 

HIV, AIDS, and Life....

Just in case you are REALLY interested.....

Here is a little more info on HIV & AIDS. (Yes, I do think it's that fascinating.)

As we have already established, CD4 cells (T-cells) are what helps your body fight infections. So, what should your CD4 count be? Well, here's a chart:

When your CD4 count drops to 200 or below, you are diagnosed as having AIDS. Contrary to popular belief, AIDS isn't a disease for dirty, poor, homosexual, drug using men. That's ridiculous. People with AIDS are not monsters to be scared of. Nor is everybody with AIDS on their death bed. They are JUST people who have a low CD4 count. In fact, if a person is diagnosed with AIDS, then starts taking medicine & gets there CD4 count back up over 500, their diagnosis sticks with them. You can be super healthy and still have AIDS. It's nothing to be ashamed of, although many people are made to feel that way.

(Right now my kids' CD4 count is pretty low. I can't help but wonder how they would be treated if it had been slightly lower, and we told people they had AIDS instead of HIV? While there is a lot of fear surrounding HIV, the mention of AIDS seems to strike terror in many. My hope is that people who read this won't be afraid of AIDS if it is not shrouded in mystery. It just signifies that at any point in their life, a person's CD4 count dropped below 200. That's all.)

Then there is viral load. (The amount of virus in your blood.) The goal is for it to be undetectable. And yes, that is very possible! At this point there is no cure for HIV, but there can be so little of it left in your body that it's 'undetectable'. Once you reach that point, your  immune system is working great, and it's no big deal if you get sick. Your body can fight it off, just like any body else's!

Medication for HIV has come soooo far. What will it look like from here for our girls? Well, they have started their medicine routine. Their CD4 count should start going up. (It usually rises quickly for children.) They will have to be very adherent with their medicine so as not to give the virus a chance to become resistant. (Sometimes people decide that they look and feel great, so they don't need the medicine. This give the virus an opportunity to mutate and become resistant. This would require them to switch medication to something that works. If you consistently stop & start meds, you eventually run out of meds to switch to.) Anyways, their CD4 count will eventually reach normal levels, and they will live normal lives. (Aside from taking daily meds, but that's true for LOTS of people!) Once they get old, their CD4 count will begin to decline (somewhere between 60s -80s). This is a natural occurrence anyways. It's why they suggest older people get the flu shot every year. Because older people have a lower CD4 count, so they can't fight off infections as well.

In general, my girls' lives will look much the same as yours. They won't need to grow up in a bubble. They're not that fragile. They will grow up to see their grandchildren. (Whom, by the way, will be born HIV negative. More on that later.) Yes, they will have more doctor appointments than the average person. But it won't slow them down!

What is HIV.....?

It's still kind of a mystery to many. Most people know it is somehow related to AIDS & Magic Johnson, but that's about it. So, just in case you were wondering..........

What is HIV.....?

HIV is a virus that attacks the immune system. Since it can't reproduce (make copies of iteself) on its own, it attacks the cells in your body and uses the cells 'machinery' to make copies of itself.

CD4 cells are a favorite target of HIV. It turns  infected CD4 cells into HIV factories. HIV makes so many copies of itself that the cell eventually breaks down & dies. As more CD4 cells die, the immune system gets weak. A weak immune system makes it hard for the body to fight germs and avoid infections.

So then what is AIDS......?

AIDS (Acquired ImmunoDeficiency Syndrome) is a medical term that means you have advanced HIV infection and are at high risk for Opportunistic Infections (infections that your body can no longer fight off because HIV has destroyed too many CD4 cells). With AIDS, your body has so few healthy CD4 cells that it may not be able to fight other infections or diseases like cancer.

The most common Opportunistic Infections are:
Thrush, Cytomegalovirus (a viral infection that causes eye disease), MAC (a bacterial infection causing fevers, stomach problems & serious weight loss), PCP (fungal infection that can causes a fatal pneumonia), Toxoplasmosis (an infection of the brain) and Tuberculosis.

Some HIV related terms:
Viral Load: How much HIV is in your blood. The lower your viral load, the fewer viruses that are attacking your cells and the less likely it is that HIV will make you sick.
CD4 Cell Count: How many CD4 cells you have in your blood. The higher your CD4 count, the better your immune system will work to fight off infections.
<*APositiveLife>

The goal is to have a low viral load and a high CD4 count. Luckily, there is medicine for that!

So is HIV a death sentence.....?

Nope. With daily medication, regular laboratory monitoring, and lifestyle changes (e.g., exercise, adequate sleep, smoking cessation), HIV can be manageable as a chronic disease. People living with HIV can enjoy healthy lives. <*aids.gov>

While there is no cure, medication has come a long way. People can now get their viral load down to undetectable levels, and grow up to be grandparents. And advances are still being made in the field of HIV treatment. HIV is no longer the disease it was in the 80s. Unfortunately, most people's information on the disease is still from the 80s. It is time that we replace fear with knowledge.....

A Whole New Story.....

Hey. Remember me? I'm Carrie. The one who used to (not-even-so-regularly-then) post on this blog. Ya know, back in the days when we were adopting our two kids (Serwaa & Konto) from Ghana, West Africa. But then the kids got home. And I kinda stopped writing. Not that I had nothing to say! There were soooooo many funny things that I wish I would've recorded over the last few years! There were lots of firsts for the new kiddos. There was lots of sibling jealousy. There was an endless amount of hilarious stories due to my children not fully understanding English.... I just got busy and stopped blogging.

But I'm back. (You're welcome. Haha!) And I have a lot to say. But first- I guess I should fill in what all has happened since I last posted. Here's the quick recap:

In March 2014, I went back to Ghana. This time it had nothing to do with adoption. It was more like a mission trip. (We now have a small non-profit working in Ghana.) We were there to deliver medical supplies to a new hospital, purchase chickens for an orphanage poultry farm, have clothes made for the orphanage kids, deliver Bibles, and pay school fees for the high school & college age orphans. (And probably some other things I forgot...) Anyways- that was it.

While there I met 6 month old twin baby girls at one of the orphanages. No big deal. I'm more of a fan of older children. That was mid March. Near the first of May, we got news that the twins had fallen ill, been diagnosed as HIV+, and were taken to (and left at) the government hospital where they were expected to 'expire'. No one was able to care for them due to their illness. Furthermore, it was going to be fairly impossible to find an adoptive family in time. (The Social Welfare officer in that area was requiring that a family meet the kids, then return in  a month to adopt if they still felt compelled.) On top of that, this particular orphanage had never done an adoption. A family would need an agency to walk them through the process. Unless...... that family was VERY familiar with Ghana adoption & could proceed without an agency. (This would be ideal because the process would go quicker without hiring an agency and waiting for them to get everything in order.) But- the family would have move very quickly in order to get through court & file immigration paperwork before the US law changed (on July 14, 2014) to REQUIRE families to use an agency to adopt. This wouldn't be possible- unless the family had already met the girls a month prior (thus skipping the month-long waiting period SW required). As it so happened, I had already met the girls, was familiar with the process, and we were comfortable working without an agency. So, it began.

After a very short adoption process, the girls made it home on September 20th, two days before their first birthday.

Well, I said I was going to tell the short version. I may have lied. Sorry. But now you're caught up. So here we are with 5 kids. And two of them with a disease that terrifies most of the world.

That's where I'm stopping for tonight. But it is only the beginning of what I have to say.....

Finally Someone's.....

A friend of mine is in Ghana today. She is there to spend time with two boys who are very near to the hearts of my family. (And the hearts of any other family who has spent time with them!) These two boys have been the source of many sleepless nights around here. I often wondered if I just shouldn't have agreed when a very serious 12 year old boy asked me to promise that I would try to find him a family. Considering the odds of two teenage boys actually getting adopted, that has been a very heavy weight to bear. For 2 years, it seemed hopeless. I was so desperate that I actually emailed 30-something churches just to ask if anyone there would be interested in adopting 2 boys! Not a single one replied.

The first attempt at social media didn't go over well either. But eventually, something happened. A wonderful lady had the idea to start a Facebook page specifically for waiting children who had no agency to advocate for them. On this page, detailed info could be shared with families. Info that I wasn't comfortable posting openly all over the internet. People started caring for children they never met. Some wonderful people started very actively advocating for the boys.

And then one day...

By 'chance', the right family happened to find these boys. Their sons.

I am just thrilled thinking of those two teenage boys who finally have a 'mum'. I am so thankful for the amazing family who was willing to take a chance on two older boys. I will be eternally grateful that I will never have to get another text begging me to not forget.

I will never have to answer the phone again to hear, "Please, will someone come for us?"

My sleep comes much easier these days.

Why I'm So Boring....

It's no secret. I am getting rather boring in my old age. (I recently turned *gulp* 30!!!) I am almost always at home. People generally don't even bother inviting me out anymore, because I rarely actually go!

So... Saturday evening, I was shopping at Kohls. The kids were at home. When I was finished shopping, I had a wild idea to just not go home yet. The night was young- I could go meet up with some friends who were out! I mean, I was already dressed! (Well, my hair did NOT look spectacular on said day. BUT- I was dressed, bra, shoes and everything!) I tried to get myself all pumped up about the idea of going out- and I drove home.

It was already 10pm, so I told the kids to get undressed & ready for bed. When I went to tuck Konto in, he asked me to sleep with him for awhile. He explained: "Me, sometimes I get scary in the evening." So, I laid down with him. He threw his arm around me, gave me a few kisses, then snuggled as close as humanly possible. I thought. Everytime I thought he was about to suffocate, he'd get closer!!! I ended up laying (very uncomfortably) for 2 hours with a (very big) 9 year old boy completely wedged up under me!!

I finally got out of the stranglehold, and moved back far enough to watch him sleep for awhile. I started thinking about the orphanage. How he'd gone to sleep every single night for over 5 years with no goodnight hug. Just doesn't seem right. Then I started thinking about two friends of his who are still at the orphanage. Two teenage boys who are finally being adopted. I just can't wait for them to get home. I can just picture their new mommy, leaning over two big ol' teenage boys, tucking them in for the first time, and giving them the first goodnight kiss they've had in a decade. Telling them 'I love you.' Maybe it will the first time they ever remember hearing those words. I just can't wait! I'm sure people are gonna think she's a crazy momma for choosing such old boys. But- they have no idea how lucky she is!!

Anyways- When I was done pondering these things, I decided to get in my own bed . It was midnight. I left Konto's room- only to find my daughter, Malorie, (wearing her slip as a nightgown) standing there with big, sad eyes. She felt left out, & wanted to know if I still had time to lay down with her. Of course. So off we went to her room...

It was after 1am when I finally made it to my own room! Same time I probably would've made it home had I gone out with friends. And while I'm sure my time at home was far more 'boring' than the bar- I'm okay with that. I like this kind of boring, and I wouldn't miss it for the world!

(*Side note- I did make it out Sunday night for (almost) a full 2 hours! But I came home promptly at 9pm to read a book about a very macho hamster named Fluffy. This is a glamorous life I lead! )

The Anticlimactic Sequel....

Today was the day. Konto (my son) would be required to personally explain to his soccer coach exactly why he would be missing soccer for the next 2 weeks. (My new co-op friends just thought I was joking when I said I was a VERY mean mama. I wasn't.)

I went to bed last night imagining how awful this day would go. I imagined it would be similar to the DC Airport Incident. (On our trip home from Africa. Konto was mad that it was taking so long. So, he decided to leave. He ignored my warnings to come back. I had to physically carry him back to the boarding area and hold him down.)

He is MUCH bigger now. I pictured me insisting that he talk to the coach, and him walking off. I then pictured myself chasing him down and attempting to carry him back to the car. Could I carry him while he's kicking? What would I do if I couldn't? Ask for help? 'Can you help me stuff this black kid in my minivan please?'

...All valid concerns I assure you.

But the day started out pretty good, to my relief. Konto was his regular charming self. His first task of the day was to admit to his sisters that he took their candy, and apologize. Confession is NOT his strong point! I held my breath & listened from the other room...

I heard him clear his throat and begin, "Attention everyone. I have some bad news and some good news...   ...Actually, there is no good news. I took all of your candy. I'm sorry."

Wow. That was easy. I decided to keep the whole day low-key. Homeschool is pretty convenient like that. We opted to build an outside playpen for our rabbit instead.

When the time came for soccer practice, he got pretty quiet. On the way there, he asked what he should say. He insisted that his team was going to be 'so mad of him for not helping to win the games'. I explained that bad decisions almost always affect more than just yourself.

At the field, he got out and walked to his coach- who asked how he was going to play in blue jeans. Konto didn't speak. I told the coach that my son had something to say. And he did. He said, "Sorry, I can't play soccree..." That was it. Forget that we rehearsed it several times in the car. The coach began guessing... "Are you hurt? Are you in trouble?..." To which Konto turned his back and replied, "The second one."

So, that was it. He was supposed to offer an explaination without waiting for the coach to guess. He kinda got bailed out, because he was about to start crying. I kinda hate that. (Again, mean mom. I know. And I'm okay with that.) But I wanted him to be embarrassed. Getting caught is embarrassing in real life. Just look at the Jailbirds magazine! Enough said! But- it is what it is.

So, the day was far less eventful than I imagined. I guess that's a good thing.

The Hard Day...

Well, this post should be an interesting change of scenery, if nothing else. My updates on our family's
adjustment have pretty much been all sunshine and butterflies. I never expected that, because I am a big fan of transparency. I started my blog so that other people could get a realistic look at the timeline for Ghanaian adoption, and to document the realistic struggles that many times face parents who adopt older children.

But the reality was- we didn't have enough attachment drama to warrant a post. The kids settled in nicely. We geniunely love them. They have always actually felt like our kids, not like we were babysitting someone else's kids...

I had planned on giving some insight to future adoptive parents who (like I once did) rely on the internet for
some bit of truth as to what the future may hold. Because people need to be prepared for not only the joy of
adoption, but also the hard part. However, I almost feel like I can offer no advice or authentic picture of
life after adoption, because ours too closely resembles a fairy tale. I'm pretty sure I set expectations far
too high when discussing adoption with anybody.

But today was real. It was one of those days I spent so many months trying to prepare for. It was hard.

A little history: Several months ago, we realized that our little boy (9) was taking candy without asking. He
was hiding in his room eating about 50 pieces of chocolate at one time. When confronted, he would boldly look me in the eye and promise that he didn't do it. And he was convincing. I even fell for it once! This same
situation played out several times, each with a more severe punishment.

The last time, however, was a little different. I had found another stash of wrappers. I didn't confront him
though. I went quietly to my room, prayed, read my Bible, and wrote an outline of what to say. Amazingly, it
was easy. All those verses I had memorized as a child came back to my mind. And in order! Verses about lying, trustworthiness, temptation, the power to overcome, obedience, and forgiveness. (Note to self: start making kids memorize scripture ASAP!) (Disclaimer: No, I'm not one of those awesome Christian moms. We don't do a daily Bible study. I forget to read my Bible almost every day. And I don't know who Beth Moore(?) is.)

So... I called Konto to his room for a talk. We read verses together. I explained them. I told him that if he
ever messed up and wanted to confess to me, Daddy, and God- we would forgive him. There would still be
consequences, but forgiveness as well.

To my surprise- he immediately said he was sorry. He tried to stop himself. He tried to tie himself to the bed
so he wouldn't do it....

He then started pulling out ALL of his secret stashes.

I. Had. No. Idea.

Boxes, an old soccer duffle bag, a hippo Stuffie, socks, mattress, Transformer truck....
Finally, he pulled out his double barrel Nerf shotgun. Both barrels were packed. Like, he had used a stick to
compact the wrappers. There had to be 30-40 in each barrell!!

Anyways- after said confession. I thought that was all. We explained exactly what the punishment would be
should this happen again. (But of course it won't! This is a fairy tale, right?!!)

Fast forward to today. One of the girls let us know that her candy collection had been depleted. Konto (again) denied any responsibility for the crime. He very convincingly told me, "I promise Mommy. I haven't take any since the other time, because I don't want to miss soccer. I promise." Of course I believed him. Soccer is his one true love. He'd never do anything to jeopardize that!!

Humph.
It was the Hippo Stuffie again. Along with one barrel of the shotgun. My husband and I discussed it until the
end of the day. We came up with the exact perimeters of his punishment. When he came into his room, he
continued lying until I produced Exibit A.

The Stuffie.

He had nothing more to say. He turned to face the wall and refused to answer our questions. As we began going over the punishment, he kept trying to push me out of the way & walk out of the room. He got mad that he couldn't get past me. Then, it started.

The angry cry.

And then, the part I spent almost 2 years preparing for:


"I just want to go home!!!!!"


Nope. All that preparing, and I still wasn't quite ready to hear that.
Although, I'm pretty tough. My feelings are not hurt. I didn't get mad. And it won't keep my up tonight. But- it does make me wonder what he's hiding within himself. It's not too much different from when I was young & in trouble. I often cried and shouted how I want to run away. I really just wanted to hurt my parents' feelings for punishing me. It just caught me off guard when he said 'home'.

We make it no secret that Ghana is a part of us all. We talk almost every day about how we want to go back to Ghana. The difference- he had never referred to Ghana as home.

I tried to gently remind him that he was home now. He said that he was 'just at some place'. I don't believe he believes that. I really don't. I think he was just mad and hurting- and wanting, in turn, to hurt us.

Yet, I wonder. What all is there that I can't see? He insisted that he wanted to be alone to think. "About
what?" I ask. He only says, "I can't told you. I'm not allowed to." We have this exact same conversation
every time he is mad. Not entirely sure what that's about. I assume that he doesn't yet feel the liberty to yell
'I hate you!' I'll take it.

He finally cooled down. We watched Star Trek together. I tucked him in. As anticipated, he didn't return my 'I love you', as he has been doing this month. But he quietly stroked my face & fell asleep.


Unfortunately, I feel like this is the calm in the middle of the storm. Tomorrow will be his first missed
soccer practice. I don't expect that to go well. At all.


Time will tell...

The First Year...

As we have determined in the past, I am a slack blogger. I failed to post my one-year report. Who does that? Everybody has their one-year post! So, here it is:


As of October 29th, we have been a family of 5 for a full year!!



Seems like it was days ago when we stepped off of that airplane. We were tired after trying to get home for over 30 hours. We were cold because we had gotten dressed in Africa, and flew home into some freak winter storm in October. We were stinky because I didn't pack enough pull-ups for a 30+ hour trip. I had to hold Serwaa in my lap on the last flight because she was so tired she kept falling & hitting her head on the seat in front of her. She peed on me, but I was too tired to bother changing either one of us into our emergency dresses that I kept in my carry on. The kids were too exhausted to speak to anyone when we got to the airport (and lacked the English to do so anyways).... Yep. Seems like yesterday.

But- it's been a full year! And although it seems to have flown by, it also seems that they've always been part of our family.


General Updates:

Serwaa & Konto are now fluent in English, even to the point of forgetting their first language. (Which is
something we are trying to stop!) They eat most American food, although they still cook Ghana's food quite often. They are working hard in school. (Neither of them could read at all upon coming to the US. I'm not sure why, because most of their friends who have been adopted could read. Serwaa knew all of the letters, but not their sounds. Konto didn't even know all of the letters.) They have melted into our family easily, and really enjoy being around our huge extended family.


Physical Updates:

In this year, both kids have grown an amazing amount.

Oct 30, 2011

Nov 29, 2012

When I traveled to Ghana to pick the kids up, Konto was still so small. All of his clothes were size 4t & 5t. And they fit. He is now in size 10/12. His shoes were size 1 & 2. Now they are 4. Serwaa was in size 7/8. Now she is in 12/14. Her shoes were size 2. She is now fits in my shoes.


Serwaa is still wetting the bed. But- her doctor has verified that it is not the result of any kind of abuse. In the beginning, I was putting pull ups on both of the kids. (Konto had insisted he needed them.) However, he eventually admitted that he just liked how soft they were!


They've both gained a huge amount of weight, lost several teeth, and have grown several inches.


Emotional Updates:

Now the part that other adoptive families (especially of older kids) always ask. Bonding, attachment and
general emotional health.

Overall, the whole emotional part has been 100 times easier than I could've imagined. I know we could never get this lucky again.

I'll start with Serwaa. (11 years old) She has always been easy. Her culture taught her to be loving and affectionate. (To the point of leaving me with no personal space!) She still holds my hand when we go shopping alot. (Sadly, I kinda unintendingly discouraged that. At first, both kids would hold my hand non-stop when we went out. Of course, I couldn't shop with no hands, so I had to pull away alot. Not sure how I could've avoided that, (other than spontaneously growing extra arms) but I wish I could go back & let them be clingy all they wanted before they grew out of it!) Anyways, Serwaa showers me with hugs and kisses all day long. She can make prolonged eye contact easily. (Something I was never good at, so I have to be very careful not to discourage it too!) She somewhat allows herself to be comforted by me when she is hurt. (She doesn't come to me for comfort, I go to her. But- she allows herself to be held and consoled.) She struggles a little to say 'I love you'. She can do it, but sometimes it's a very soft delayed reaction. (For instance, I tell the girls I love them when I'm tucking them in. Serwaa often waits until I shut the door, then responds 'I love you too, mommy'.) Other days though, she will just come and tell me she loves me. (But that isn't as common.) She expresses a great desire to go back to visit her friends and family in Ghana. She doesn't want to go back to stay. She just misses her friends, just like any child would. She talks to her friends in the orphanage every once in awhile. She hasn't really seemed to grieve. (Except when she realized her biological father was dead. She never knew him, but just the fact that he was not alive somewhere made her sad.) She seems to have a sense of belonging here. She has mostly released her motherly role to me. (She doesn't try to be Konto's mom now. Although she will still sometimes stand by when we are disciplining (talking) to Konto.  We have to gently remind her that we can take care of it, and dismiss her.) She is very obedient and respectful. She is a great sister, and very easy to get along with. Of course, I can't read her mind, but her attachment seems pretty great.



Now Konto. Konto has also always been pretty easy to get along with. In fact, if I hadn't read so much dang literature on attachment- I would say it was perfect! He is also semi-affectionate. I think part of that he has just grown out of. He is, after all, a boy. He used to hold my hand everday, hug me every 5 minutes, and tell me he loves me 'soooooo much' at night. Not to mention want to be carried around 24 hours a day. But now, not so much.



He actually reminds me SO much of myself as a child now. I remember my mom telling me that I was like hugging a board! (I loved my mom & dad, just wasn't an affectionate child at all!) I was VERY uncomfortable saying 'I love you'. And I didn't like holding hands in the parking lot.



Konto almost never says I love you anymore. I think it is a very uncomfortable thing for him to say. He usually stands stiff like a board when I hug him. However, he does like to snuggle during movies. He still likes to be carried around- but only if I offer to carry him. He doesn't ask anymore. He is able to make eye contact, but not maintain it. It usually only lasts about a second at a time. Also, he doesn't normally allow me to comfort him. For instance, if he falls in the driveway, I will go to him. When I try to sit him up to look at his cut, he pulls away. He also won't allow me to hug him when he's hurt. Same thing when he is upset. I will try to hold him, but he won't let me. He doesn't want to be consoled. He usually eventually lets me hold him- but only after he's quit fighting (physically & emotionally). Once he finds the courage to say what is really wrong (not the fake reason he finds to cry-like his room is boring), he will relax his body so that I can hold him. (And I'm not talking major meltdowns like most people would picture. Just simple, rare nights where he is fussy and doesn't want to be consoled.) Konto is a very happy boy, but he does grieve more than Serwaa. Mostly- he misses his friends. They were like his brothers. He knew them almost his whole life. He's always had 'brothers'. And now, he is the only boy. He asks almost every night if we can 'get him a brother'. He hates having his own room because he is lonely. He also can't wait to go back and visit Ghana, but at the same time, he doesn't want to have to say goodbye again. He feels like he abandoned them. At first, he didn't want to make friends here. He felt like he was betraying his old friends. That must be so hard on such a young boy- constant feelings of guilt and betrayal. It makes me sad for him. But- he is amazingly strong. You would never know by being around him how much loss he has suffered in his short life.


And last but not least: Malorie. People also often worry about how adoption will affect the children already in their home. I'm no different. I went through the whole 'what have I done' panic attack on the way to Africa the last time. Was it fair to jeopardize the life of  'my' child? Now I realize how silly that was. Yes, it could've been worse. It may get worse. Our new children could've had major trauma and attachment issues. It could've been hard. Very hard. But- making life harder doesn't neccessarily mean making life worse for our first children. After all, an easy life doesn't always breed better children anyways.

We are thankful that we haven't had to deal with some of the really tough stuff that many families do. That's not to say that it hasn't affected Malorie though. Much like giving birth to a 2nd bio kid does. Malorie is jealous sometimes. She misses it just being me & her sometimes. She would miss that no matter how we added another child to our family. So yes, she's lost some. But she's gained alot more. She would never admit it- but Serwaa is her best friend. They do argue alot, but not as much as I did with my brothers. They dress like twins alot. They bathe together. They do secret handshakes....


Malorie's capacity to love has grown. She looks out for her brother and sister. She really does love them. Many nights I hear her voice floating through the air. I just have to smile. She's telling Serwaa bedtime stories again. Whale stories. (Like on Finding Nemo. She speaks whale. It's loud. It's kind of annoying while I'm trying to go to sleep. The girls love it.)


So that about sums it up. It's been one good year. I'm looking forward to the rest of them. We are so thankful for our 3 beautiful children!!!

Konto's Birthday...

I know, I know! Slackest blogger EVER!! Sorry! But, last but not least in our string of seemingly back-to-back birthdays was Konto. This poor guy waited FOREVER for his birthday. In fact, I went to Ghana on Oct 20th last year to pick him up. At that time, we hadn't determined a birthday for him. (Between all of the 'birthdates' on his legal paperwork, we had several to choose from!) It wasn't until several months into him being home that we decided on an age & birthday to give him. So, he was pretty much with us a full year before getting a birthday. He waited so patiently.

When it was finally his turn, he was so excited! First, he picked out his invitations. He looked for a good half hour before deciding on an invitation. At last, he said he found the PERFECT invitations. He proudly held
them up for me to read: "You're Invited. 1st Birthday!"

I didn't have the heart to tell him it was for a baby. He was just too happy. He wanted everyone to know that it was his first birthday he had ever had. (I did, however, talk him out of getting the pretty pink '1st
Birthday' invitations to mail to the girls.)

We had his party at a house/party rental place with a basement full of toys and games. It was awesome. He loved the presents, and he loved the attention!

For his birthday, he asked his sisters to cook for him. So, Malorie made his cake. Serwaa made jollaf and
salad. And of course, we ordered pizza.

I can't believe he's already another year older!! When we first fell in love with this guy, he was '5 years old' (according to the paperwork). So hard to believe that he's 9!

So....

9 Things Konto has grown out of this year that I already miss:

1. Chanting whenever he wants something to happen

2. Asking to be held all day, every day

3. Calling Serwaa 'Maame Yaa'

4. Breaking into dance on a daily basis

5. Using the word 'buttocks' for bottom, end, butt, trunk...

6. Speaking Twi

7. Using only red, yellow and green crayons

8. Asking 'Is it true?' about everything (statues, talking veggie cartoons...)

9. Responding 'Thursday' when asked for his birthday

And one random story: A couple weeks ago, someone asked his name. After responding, he turned his back to the lady. I asked why. He said, "I was afraid she will ask me how old am I. And I didn't remember, so I turned around." And he doesn't remember most of the time. Neither does Serwaa. They never had to. I think it's kinda awesome that, in their culture, age really doesn't matter. Something can be learned here...

Malorie's 12th Birthday...

So sad. My baby girl is already 12. She's in MIDDLE school. I'm not even gonna say 'where did the time go?', because that'll just make me sound old. I am a little bummed that she's growing up so quick.


But, I gotta say- she's a good one. On her birthday, I took Malorie, Serwaa, Konto, and 2 friends to get some frozen yogurt. There was a TV in the yogurt place, so the kids could watch while eating. Half-way through our time there, I heard Malorie say, "Hey guys, mom doesn't like this show." (About 2 years ago, I had told Malorie that I didn't want her to watch this particular show.) So, my kids all sat there with their heads down, making sure they didn't look up at the TV! I was so proud. (I know, I know. I can't always be this lucky. It will probably come. I'm just enjoying it while it lasts!)

Malorie had a great birthday. She made her own cake. She had a friend and cousin over to spend the night. Most of the kids stayed up til 3am. I am super lucky to have such a great 12 year old! (Who unfortunately is turning out to be quite gorgeous. This is gonna be trouble eventually....)

 

Serwaa's First (11th) Birthday...

Last Friday was Serwaa's first birthday. She turned 11.

Birthdays are always fun. But most kids have been celebrating them from their very first year. They're a given. You expect cake, icecream and presents- because that's how it's always been.

  But for a child who's never celebrated their own birthday... There's just no accurate way to describe it.

I gotta say, it's the most fun 'first birthday' I've ever experienced!

This year was the first time Serwaa has ever blown out a candle! Ever! It was the first time she's had a birthday cake. To watch an 11 year old girl experience that for the first time was priceless. She loved the presents, and the balloons, and the cake. She was a little overwhelmed with the attention. But- after everyone left, she had a blast! She put on her new dress. And her new makeup. She decorated her new bag, painted on the road, played mermaids and barbies, colored in her new books... And even though I totally beat her at Pretty Pretty Princess, she loved it!

As we were playing with an 'evil balloon' that night, she blurted out, "This is the most fun day I ever had in my life!"

Pure joy.

So there it is. The first birthday.  And in honor of her 11th birthday- here are 11 random things she has told me this month:

1. At the church where you go all night, you can eat the dirt.
2. Madaam Moke is a ghost who walks around with one high heel.
3. She used to eat the chalk from school.
4. Some people eat the dogs. But she doesn't.
5. She thinks she remembers eating snake at her grandmother's house.
6. If bitten by a snake, put chewed onion on it to draw out the poison.
7. If a schoolgirl's hair grows, it blocks knowledge from reaching her brain. So they keep it shaved.
8. If someone swings their leg over your head, you will be short when you grow.
9. Don't lean a hand on the ground while eating. Satan will soak up all of your food.

10. The dirt tastes good after it rains a little. Still the smell makes her hungry.

11. If you don't have enough blood, you need to drink tomato paste & water.

Inaction and a Chicken Sandwich...

This has been brewing all day. I gotta vent somewhere. May as well be here. Today I witnessed the christian community be stirred into action. It was the biggest show of support I've seen from the American church body in a LONG time. Was it over the millions of people dying from hunger in our world? No. Orphaned children raising their younger siblings because they have no one? No. Children dying in other countries from totally preventable or treatable sickness? Nope.

It was over same sex marriage and a chicken sandwich.


I understand people's reasoning to show support today. I really do. (I don't, however, approve of 'christians' using the event as a platform to throw stones at people living in a way contrary to their own beliefs. My God says to love. And judge not, lest ye be judged.)


But I do admire people who stand for what they believe. If you cannot stand up for your beliefs, they're not worth having. That was not what angered me.


It was seeing what the church body is capable of. Massive support. Floods of people spending their time and money on something that they passionately believe in.


What if that massive push could've been for a bigger purpose. What if it could've been used to change lives instead of supporting an already-wealthy company?



I'm not saying people shouldn't have shown their support in that way. I'm saying harness that passion for a greater cause.


Didn't God call us to love? Isn't that the greatest commandment? What if that outpouring of support was used to change the lives of people who don't have the promise of a next meal? While you stood in line for 2 hours for your chicken sandwich, over 2,000 people in the world died from hunger. (*Based on a UN report.) I try to picture this many christians gathered in one big place. What could've resulted? Mountains could've been moved!


Did standing in that line make those people bad or wrong? No. Many of my friends were there. I'm guilty of wasting my time & money too. But it should make us think. What's worth our time, money and passion?


If Jesus were on earth today, I wonder where he would've been... In the ChicFilA drive through, or out in the world- healing people, feeding people, loving people. I think I know the answer. And I'd want to be with Him.



* I am not in any way bashing the Chic Fil A support. I'm simply passionate about 'the least of these', and wish the church could be moved with compassion on their behalf in the same capacity that they were moved today.

Nobody's Children and the Least Comfortable My Bed Has Ever Been...

Tonight I am lying here on my 2 ft thick mattress thinking of a conversation I had with my Ghanaian kids a few nights ago. I have to admit, it's making my nice fluffy bed feel very uncomfortable right about now.

As I was tucking the kids into bed the other night, they started talking about the orphanage in Ghana. We were just talking about why nobody sleeps on the top bunk, why the children sleep outside alot, and how they used to sleep. Serwaa and Konto both starting talking about how they used to sleep curled up into a tiny ball. Because they were both sleeping on a half of a mattress. The dogs had eaten the other halves.

The explaination was sad, but made sense. You see, the mattresses get soiled. During the night, the kids sweat. They get bit by 'small animals that live in mattress and drink your blood' (bedbugs?). They wet the bed sometimes. They slobber.... So, during the day, the mattresses are taken outside to air out until the next night.

I had seen those mattresses outside. I had seen the chickens walking on the mattresses, picking out whatever bugs they found. I had seen the dogs lick and eat the soiled parts of the mattresses. I had even seen the cats shred pieces off just to play with. I assumed they were trash- because all trash is just thrown outside in Ghana. Little did I know that those same mattresses were what my children were sleeping on at night.

I asked Serwaa & Konto why they didn't tell me they needed new beds. I would've gone to market that very day & bought new ones for them. I would've never knowingly let my children sleep like that. No child of mine....

Then it hit me. That sickening realization of how small and self-centered my little world still is.


No child of mine... What about the other orphans there? Who would say the same for them? They are nobody's children. Who will speak up for them? I have since spoken to the lady who runs the orphanage. She confirmed what I already knew. The kids are still sleeping on the same mattresses as they were in October when I was there. The ones that had already been half eaten by dogs.

I will go at the end of this week to send money for new mattresses. But I can't buy them all. The cost is $100 for 3 mattresses. (About $33 each.)  For anybody that would never let their children sleep in these conditions- please consider doing the same for nobody's children. If we don't, who will?

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed. Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice.
Proverbs 31:8-9


(If you would like to help- please use the '100 Good Wishes' link on the right. Or paypal your donation to carrioke17@yahoo.com. I will include any donations in my Western Union this weekend so you don't have to pay the wiring fee. If you would like to send money directly to the orphanage- please email me. Thanks.)

Recipe: Rice and Beans Stew

I am going to (attempt to) start sharing some of Serwaa's recipes here. If you have questions, just ask. (FYI: there are no real measurements. I just guess as she throws things in the pot!) Good luck! If you try any recipe, and it works out- let me know! Hope your kids enjoy it!

-Most recipes require 'squashing'. We use this big rock thing:

Rice & Beans Stew

*Cook 2 cups of rice.

*Cut up 4 tomatoes & remove seeds. Squash it.
*Cut up 1 purple onion & squash it.
*Cut up, deseed & squash 3 habanero peppers.

*Put 2 lbs of black eye peas in large pot & cover with water. Salt heavily & boil, covered, for about an hour.
*When beans are done, pound them so that about half of the beans get squashed.

*Cover the bottom of a big pot with vegetable oil. Add the squashed onion, pepper & tomatoes.
*Cook 1-2 minutes.
*Add 1 can of tomato paste.
*Stir in beans.

Eat with the rice.

Serves about 10 people.

Shopping for African Produce in America...

I spent the first few months after Serwaa & Konto came home wishing I had some African produce to cook for them. They were disappointed to find that South Carolina stores didn't sell Yam, Cocoyam, or Garden Eggs. Only, they did. I just didn't know what I was looking for.

So, for anyone who is a clueless as me: I am making a very short list of things to buy, and where. (Disclaimer: It may not work if you are in another part of the country with different stores.)

Yam
A big brown root.
Also called: BayerE
This is used for: Ampesie
It is sold at Publix under the name of  'Name'. PLU# 3276
It is also sold in many Asian stores (which are much easier to find than African stores around here)!

Cocoyam:
A hairy-looking brown root.
Also called: Mankani
Used for: Ampesie
There are small cocoyams and bigger cocoyams. My kids prefer the bigger ones.
The bigger version is sold at Pulix as 'Malanga'. PLU# 4644
The smaller version is also at Publix as 'Taro Root'.

Cassava:
A waxy-looking brown root.
Also called Yuca, Manioc, Bankye
Used for: Ampesie, Fufuo
Sold at most grocery stores. Publix PLU# is: 4819

Garden Eggs:
Small, round yellowish-white eggplants.
Used for: soups and stews
I have only been able to find these in Asian stores so far.

Ripe Plantain:
Rotten banana-looking fruit.
Also called 'red plaintain'.
Used for: fried plantains
Sold at most grocery stores. They should be yellowish-black.

Green Plantain:
Looks like an overgrown green banana.
Used for: Ampesie
Sold at grocery stores, but harder to find. You pretty much have to find them the day the store puts them out, because they ripen pretty quick.

Habanero:
A small orange pepper
When my kids say they need 'pepper', this is what they are referring to. All other peppers we have found are too mild. These are very hot.
Sold at most grocery stores.

Cocoyam Leaves:
Also called Nkontomire
Used for soups
I haven't found these sold anywhere. But, they are super easy to grow. (If I haven't killed it, it can't be killed!) We bought cocoyams, let them sit in the closet for too long (until they started sprouting). We planted them with the sprout sticking out of the ground. They are almost the exact same as those elephant ear plants.

Hopefully this will help somebody be a little less ignorant when they go out grocery shopping for their Ghanaian kiddos! Good luck!!

....Stay tuned. I hope to start posting some of my kids' favorite recipes soon!

My Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day...

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

8am- I returned my rental car after two weeks. (Yes, it took Aamco 2 WEEKS to fix my transmission. Side note- it has only been 6 months since the last time they 'fixed' it.) I paid my $350 for the rental car, then went to Aamco to pick up my minivan. On the way home I noticed it was making the same noise as before they fixed it. Sounds like an airplane taking off. Then- I also notice an awful noise that it wasn't even making before they 'fixed' it. This one sounds like an old washing machine with bad berrings. Then the 'Drive' light starts blinking. (Which usually indicates the transmission is going out.)


9am- I go to Verizon to upgrade to a new phone. It's a touch screen. It's VERY hard to hit the right letters
when I type.


10-2pm: Homeschool


3pm- Go to pick up Malorie's friend from school. My car won't start back. I am blocking the whole school pickup line. Someone comes to jump me off, and informs me whoever put my battery in last (Aamco) didn't bother tightening the connections. They just laid the cables on top of the battery. They slightly tighten it so my car will start.


4pm- Park at home. The battery disconnects again, so the doors can't unlock. Me and 4 kids climb out the
window.


5pm- Fix the battery connections. Call Aamco to tell them I will take the car elsewhere & send them the repair bill. They are VERY rude & say the will refuse to pay it. Take Malorie & a friend to Tae Kwon Do. Come home to clean house.


6pm- Leave to pickup kids from Tae Kwon Do. A girl doesn't see me and runs into the side of my van. (At least she was very nice!) Call the police. He says he has about 10 minutes of paperwork to do. Then the monsoon starts. We wait in the car until almost 7pm for it to clear up enough for him to get back out of his car. (I don't blame him, it was POURING/hailing.)


7pm- Get home. Notice Konto's side has a big lump. Usually wouldn't be concerned, but his spleen kinda sticks out in that same spot. Nobody needs a squashed spleen. Take him to hospital to get looked at just in case.


8:30pm- Konto had to pee. I took him to the bathroom. The doctor came to our room. I told her that he'd be back in 30 seconds. She said she'd just come back in a minute.

10pm- Phone battery dies.

10:30pm- Another doctor FINALLY came into our room. They took x-rays. All looks fine.


11pm- Eat supper. Put kids to bed. Since my computer is dead, type this whole chain of events on facebook with my new (VERY sensitive) phone. With one finger.


12am- As I was trying to post on FB, accidentally deleted THE WHOLE THING. It had taken almost an hour to type.

= LONGEST DAY EVER

Post MiniVan Depression...

I have a confession to make. I have post-minivan depression. Don't get me wrong- I love the minivan, with it's heated seats, DVD player & seating for 7 people. In fact, usually I wish I had enough kids to drive one of those 15 passenger vans. In general, vans are great.


But.........


It all started on Cinco de Mayo. I was able to go out WITHOUT all of the kids. I didn't take the minivan. I rode with a friend. I gotta be honest, it felt pretty amazing pulling up to the restaurant in a real
car. In fact, the coolness was so overpowering that it had several side effects. There was a little more
swagger in my step. I spoke to the grownups in the restaurant instead of playing with their kids. I even lost
the scrunchie. It was a fine night indeed!


Then came Tuesday. Since my transimission has been acting up again, I indulged in the guilty pleasure of
looking up rental cars online. The thrill could only compare to being on one of those dating sites for the
first time- where you get to shallowly judge a person solely based on a single photo. I knew most of those cars weren't right for me (and my 5 person family), but they just looked so darn good! The longer I lusted over those sleek, sexy cars- the more distant I felt from the minivan. Eventually though, I just decided to go with whatever cheap car they put me in.


In the heat of my disdain for the minivan, I was all too happy to drop it off at the transmission shop. I didn't
even look back as I got in the car with the Hertz man. When we arrived at the car rental center, there was an air of excitement. Like a blind date!


Then it happened- my Jeep pulled up. It wasn't a van. It wasn't family friendly. It was breathtaking. The
seats were cloth, the radio was loud, and the windows rolled down all the way! As we pulled off the lot, it all came back to me. The way I used to be. Before I was a housewife. Before I was a homeschooling mother of 3. Even before I was the fat sister.... I felt so young! So alive!

To tell the truth- I had almost forgotten. There used to be more. I used to wear cute little sundresses (and
fit in them!), I used to hang out with friends at somewhere other than Cici's pizza. I used to buy panties with
ruffles...Yes, I love being the housewife/homeschooling mother of 3. (I'd adopt 10 more kids if I could.) But
is that all I am? I've struggled with it off & on. More off than on lately. I've come to accept that I am almost 30. I now quickly realize that when the church says 'teen/young adult activity' that I'm not invited. I don't even swoon over college football players anymore- because I realize that I'm WAY too old for them. But I still feel like I forfeited a small part of my youth and femininity when I committed to the minivan. A part of me that I was actually quite fond of. A part of me that I have started to remember piece by piece since sitting in the driver seat of my little silver Jeep. In fact, I've been to Goodwill twice- and bought 6 cute little dresses! (Not quite as cute as they'd have been 20 lbs ago- but the important part is that I feel cute.) I've worn makeup more often, scrunchie less, and have shaved consistently. I'm even planning on taking my little jeep on an adult only roadtrip for a day.


Seems strange to say that Cinco de Mayo and a Jeep could be so revitalizing. But it's true.


Life won't always be this thrilling. Soon I'll be back in the gold minivan. But look closely- the real me will
still be there somewhere. Behind the automatic sliding doors & the windows that pop out instead of roll down. Beyond the blaring Disney Channel CD and the laughing kids. Somewhere amidst the ample seating. I'll still be there.

Toothbrushes...

This post is long overdue. But, it's a fun story- so I will share it. (Momma always said, 'Better late than never'.)

Back in the summer of last year, I went to our (wonderful) dentist to get my daughter's teeth cleaned. Everyone there knew we were in the process of adopting our two children from Ghana, West Africa. They graciously OFFERED to give us enough toothbrushes so that all children in the orphanage could have one.

 *Brand new toothbrushes, provided for the orphanaage by Cedar Bluff Dentistry, Simpsonville SC*



In October 2011, I finally set out to Ghana to bring Serwaa & Konto home. We spent a few days at the orphanage. On one of those days, 'Grandmother' (the orphanage directress)  had all of the children line up to receive their new toothbrushes. (They have to be lined up, because there is usually a riot when things are being given away. The children are not bad children. Deprivation will cause anyone to act this way.)

One by one, the kids came up to proudly take their new toothbrush, say a very sincere thank you, then run off. (I wish I could've gotten pictures, but they ran off to hide their new toothbrushes as soon as they got them.)

It was so fun to watch them. Especially the teenagers. You see, most of the toothbrushes were children's
toothbrushes shaped like rocket ships. It was so sweet watch the teenage girls beaming from ear to ear as they accepted their rocket ship toothbrushes. There is a level of appreciation there that is rarely seen in America.

When the line finally ended, there were a few more toothbrushes left. They were given to random children we found in the street. (It's pretty easy to find kids wandering around by themselves. If they have parents, they are usually at work. The older kids care for the younger kids all day.)

Since my children have come home, I've heard lots of stories about their dental hygeine in Ghana:


- When they were very small, they lived in a small hut with their grandmother. At one point they had a
toothbrush. But the kids all had to share it. (Much of the family lived in a little village. Any cousins are considered brothers and sisters. So who knows how many kids were using The Toothbrush!)


- If you don't have a toothbrush, you burn a piece of old cloth until it is very black, then you chew on it. This is what Serwaa & Konto usually did when they didn't have a toothbrush.


- People very often chew sticks or roots, which helps to keep their teeth clean.


- Another way to clean teeth is to chew on burnt charcoal. My children used to do this, too.

- If you get a toothache, cavity, infection, etc.... you just live with it. That's not usually something you go to the hospital for. Even the children lucky enough to have access to medical care probably won't be seen by a doctor until the problem has become very bad.
And just because they are so adorable- here are some of the kids who received the toothbrushes from Cedar Bluff!




Afia Ketewa



Madwo, Ivy, Paul



Maame Kwadu, Ivy, Maame Faith, Emina

 

Owosua & Yaa Rose


 

Eugene

 

Oleman & Askia



Amankwa & Paul