It's no secret. I am getting rather boring in my old age. (I recently turned *gulp* 30!!!) I am almost always at home. People generally don't even bother inviting me out anymore, because I rarely actually go!
So... Saturday evening, I was shopping at Kohls. The kids were at home. When I was finished shopping, I had a wild idea to just not go home yet. The night was young- I could go meet up with some friends who were out! I mean, I was already dressed! (Well, my hair did NOT look spectacular on said day. BUT- I was dressed, bra, shoes and everything!) I tried to get myself all pumped up about the idea of going out- and I drove home.
It was already 10pm, so I told the kids to get undressed & ready for bed. When I went to tuck Konto in, he asked me to sleep with him for awhile. He explained: "Me, sometimes I get scary in the evening." So, I laid down with him. He threw his arm around me, gave me a few kisses, then snuggled as close as humanly possible. I thought. Everytime I thought he was about to suffocate, he'd get closer!!! I ended up laying (very uncomfortably) for 2 hours with a (very big) 9 year old boy completely wedged up under me!!
I finally got out of the stranglehold, and moved back far enough to watch him sleep for awhile. I started thinking about the orphanage. How he'd gone to sleep every single night for over 5 years with no goodnight hug. Just doesn't seem right. Then I started thinking about two friends of his who are still at the orphanage. Two teenage boys who are finally being adopted. I just can't wait for them to get home. I can just picture their new mommy, leaning over two big ol' teenage boys, tucking them in for the first time, and giving them the first goodnight kiss they've had in a decade. Telling them 'I love you.' Maybe it will the first time they ever remember hearing those words. I just can't wait! I'm sure people are gonna think she's a crazy momma for choosing such old boys. But- they have no idea how lucky she is!!
Anyways- When I was done pondering these things, I decided to get in my own bed . It was midnight. I left Konto's room- only to find my daughter, Malorie, (wearing her slip as a nightgown) standing there with big, sad eyes. She felt left out, & wanted to know if I still had time to lay down with her. Of course. So off we went to her room...
It was after 1am when I finally made it to my own room! Same time I probably would've made it home had I gone out with friends. And while I'm sure my time at home was far more 'boring' than the bar- I'm okay with that. I like this kind of boring, and I wouldn't miss it for the world!
(*Side note- I did make it out Sunday night for (almost) a full 2 hours! But I came home promptly at 9pm to read a book about a very macho hamster named Fluffy. This is a glamorous life I lead! )
Showing posts with label Life at Home. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life at Home. Show all posts
Monday, March 25, 2013
Friday, November 30, 2012
The First Year...
As we have determined in the past, I am a slack blogger. I failed to post my one-year report. Who does that? Everybody has their one-year post! So, here it is:
As of October 29th, we have been a family of 5 for a full year!!
Seems like it was days ago when we stepped off of that airplane. We were tired after trying to get home for over 30 hours. We were cold because we had gotten dressed in Africa, and flew home into some freak winter storm in October. We were stinky because I didn't pack enough pull-ups for a 30+ hour trip. I had to hold Serwaa in my lap on the last flight because she was so tired she kept falling & hitting her head on the seat in front of her. She peed on me, but I was too tired to bother changing either one of us into our emergency dresses that I kept in my carry on. The kids were too exhausted to speak to anyone when we got to the airport (and lacked the English to do so anyways).... Yep. Seems like yesterday.
But- it's been a full year! And although it seems to have flown by, it also seems that they've always been part of our family.
General Updates:
Serwaa & Konto are now fluent in English, even to the point of forgetting their first language. (Which is
something we are trying to stop!) They eat most American food, although they still cook Ghana's food quite often. They are working hard in school. (Neither of them could read at all upon coming to the US. I'm not sure why, because most of their friends who have been adopted could read. Serwaa knew all of the letters, but not their sounds. Konto didn't even know all of the letters.) They have melted into our family easily, and really enjoy being around our huge extended family.
Physical Updates:
In this year, both kids have grown an amazing amount.
When I traveled to Ghana to pick the kids up, Konto was still so small. All of his clothes were size 4t & 5t. And they fit. He is now in size 10/12. His shoes were size 1 & 2. Now they are 4. Serwaa was in size 7/8. Now she is in 12/14. Her shoes were size 2. She is now fits in my shoes.
Serwaa is still wetting the bed. But- her doctor has verified that it is not the result of any kind of abuse. In the beginning, I was putting pull ups on both of the kids. (Konto had insisted he needed them.) However, he eventually admitted that he just liked how soft they were!
They've both gained a huge amount of weight, lost several teeth, and have grown several inches.
Emotional Updates:
Now the part that other adoptive families (especially of older kids) always ask. Bonding, attachment and
general emotional health.
Overall, the whole emotional part has been 100 times easier than I could've imagined. I know we could never get this lucky again.
I'll start with Serwaa. (11 years old) She has always been easy. Her culture taught her to be loving and affectionate. (To the point of leaving me with no personal space!) She still holds my hand when we go shopping alot. (Sadly, I kinda unintendingly discouraged that. At first, both kids would hold my hand non-stop when we went out. Of course, I couldn't shop with no hands, so I had to pull away alot. Not sure how I could've avoided that, (other than spontaneously growing extra arms) but I wish I could go back & let them be clingy all they wanted before they grew out of it!) Anyways, Serwaa showers me with hugs and kisses all day long. She can make prolonged eye contact easily. (Something I was never good at, so I have to be very careful not to discourage it too!) She somewhat allows herself to be comforted by me when she is hurt. (She doesn't come to me for comfort, I go to her. But- she allows herself to be held and consoled.) She struggles a little to say 'I love you'. She can do it, but sometimes it's a very soft delayed reaction. (For instance, I tell the girls I love them when I'm tucking them in. Serwaa often waits until I shut the door, then responds 'I love you too, mommy'.) Other days though, she will just come and tell me she loves me. (But that isn't as common.) She expresses a great desire to go back to visit her friends and family in Ghana. She doesn't want to go back to stay. She just misses her friends, just like any child would. She talks to her friends in the orphanage every once in awhile. She hasn't really seemed to grieve. (Except when she realized her biological father was dead. She never knew him, but just the fact that he was not alive somewhere made her sad.) She seems to have a sense of belonging here. She has mostly released her motherly role to me. (She doesn't try to be Konto's mom now. Although she will still sometimes stand by when we are disciplining (talking) to Konto. We have to gently remind her that we can take care of it, and dismiss her.) She is very obedient and respectful. She is a great sister, and very easy to get along with. Of course, I can't read her mind, but her attachment seems pretty great.
Now Konto. Konto has also always been pretty easy to get along with. In fact, if I hadn't read so much dang literature on attachment- I would say it was perfect! He is also semi-affectionate. I think part of that he has just grown out of. He is, after all, a boy. He used to hold my hand everday, hug me every 5 minutes, and tell me he loves me 'soooooo much' at night. Not to mention want to be carried around 24 hours a day. But now, not so much.
He actually reminds me SO much of myself as a child now. I remember my mom telling me that I was like hugging a board! (I loved my mom & dad, just wasn't an affectionate child at all!) I was VERY uncomfortable saying 'I love you'. And I didn't like holding hands in the parking lot.
Konto almost never says I love you anymore. I think it is a very uncomfortable thing for him to say. He usually stands stiff like a board when I hug him. However, he does like to snuggle during movies. He still likes to be carried around- but only if I offer to carry him. He doesn't ask anymore. He is able to make eye contact, but not maintain it. It usually only lasts about a second at a time. Also, he doesn't normally allow me to comfort him. For instance, if he falls in the driveway, I will go to him. When I try to sit him up to look at his cut, he pulls away. He also won't allow me to hug him when he's hurt. Same thing when he is upset. I will try to hold him, but he won't let me. He doesn't want to be consoled. He usually eventually lets me hold him- but only after he's quit fighting (physically & emotionally). Once he finds the courage to say what is really wrong (not the fake reason he finds to cry-like his room is boring), he will relax his body so that I can hold him. (And I'm not talking major meltdowns like most people would picture. Just simple, rare nights where he is fussy and doesn't want to be consoled.) Konto is a very happy boy, but he does grieve more than Serwaa. Mostly- he misses his friends. They were like his brothers. He knew them almost his whole life. He's always had 'brothers'. And now, he is the only boy. He asks almost every night if we can 'get him a brother'. He hates having his own room because he is lonely. He also can't wait to go back and visit Ghana, but at the same time, he doesn't want to have to say goodbye again. He feels like he abandoned them. At first, he didn't want to make friends here. He felt like he was betraying his old friends. That must be so hard on such a young boy- constant feelings of guilt and betrayal. It makes me sad for him. But- he is amazingly strong. You would never know by being around him how much loss he has suffered in his short life.
And last but not least: Malorie. People also often worry about how adoption will affect the children already in their home. I'm no different. I went through the whole 'what have I done' panic attack on the way to Africa the last time. Was it fair to jeopardize the life of 'my' child? Now I realize how silly that was. Yes, it could've been worse. It may get worse. Our new children could've had major trauma and attachment issues. It could've been hard. Very hard. But- making life harder doesn't neccessarily mean making life worse for our first children. After all, an easy life doesn't always breed better children anyways.
We are thankful that we haven't had to deal with some of the really tough stuff that many families do. That's not to say that it hasn't affected Malorie though. Much like giving birth to a 2nd bio kid does. Malorie is jealous sometimes. She misses it just being me & her sometimes. She would miss that no matter how we added another child to our family. So yes, she's lost some. But she's gained alot more. She would never admit it- but Serwaa is her best friend. They do argue alot, but not as much as I did with my brothers. They dress like twins alot. They bathe together. They do secret handshakes....
Malorie's capacity to love has grown. She looks out for her brother and sister. She really does love them. Many nights I hear her voice floating through the air. I just have to smile. She's telling Serwaa bedtime stories again. Whale stories. (Like on Finding Nemo. She speaks whale. It's loud. It's kind of annoying while I'm trying to go to sleep. The girls love it.)
So that about sums it up. It's been one good year. I'm looking forward to the rest of them. We are so thankful for our 3 beautiful children!!!
As of October 29th, we have been a family of 5 for a full year!!
Seems like it was days ago when we stepped off of that airplane. We were tired after trying to get home for over 30 hours. We were cold because we had gotten dressed in Africa, and flew home into some freak winter storm in October. We were stinky because I didn't pack enough pull-ups for a 30+ hour trip. I had to hold Serwaa in my lap on the last flight because she was so tired she kept falling & hitting her head on the seat in front of her. She peed on me, but I was too tired to bother changing either one of us into our emergency dresses that I kept in my carry on. The kids were too exhausted to speak to anyone when we got to the airport (and lacked the English to do so anyways).... Yep. Seems like yesterday.
But- it's been a full year! And although it seems to have flown by, it also seems that they've always been part of our family.
General Updates:
Serwaa & Konto are now fluent in English, even to the point of forgetting their first language. (Which is
something we are trying to stop!) They eat most American food, although they still cook Ghana's food quite often. They are working hard in school. (Neither of them could read at all upon coming to the US. I'm not sure why, because most of their friends who have been adopted could read. Serwaa knew all of the letters, but not their sounds. Konto didn't even know all of the letters.) They have melted into our family easily, and really enjoy being around our huge extended family.
Physical Updates:
In this year, both kids have grown an amazing amount.
Oct 30, 2011
Nov 29, 2012
When I traveled to Ghana to pick the kids up, Konto was still so small. All of his clothes were size 4t & 5t. And they fit. He is now in size 10/12. His shoes were size 1 & 2. Now they are 4. Serwaa was in size 7/8. Now she is in 12/14. Her shoes were size 2. She is now fits in my shoes.
Serwaa is still wetting the bed. But- her doctor has verified that it is not the result of any kind of abuse. In the beginning, I was putting pull ups on both of the kids. (Konto had insisted he needed them.) However, he eventually admitted that he just liked how soft they were!
They've both gained a huge amount of weight, lost several teeth, and have grown several inches.
Emotional Updates:
Now the part that other adoptive families (especially of older kids) always ask. Bonding, attachment and
general emotional health.
Overall, the whole emotional part has been 100 times easier than I could've imagined. I know we could never get this lucky again.
I'll start with Serwaa. (11 years old) She has always been easy. Her culture taught her to be loving and affectionate. (To the point of leaving me with no personal space!) She still holds my hand when we go shopping alot. (Sadly, I kinda unintendingly discouraged that. At first, both kids would hold my hand non-stop when we went out. Of course, I couldn't shop with no hands, so I had to pull away alot. Not sure how I could've avoided that, (other than spontaneously growing extra arms) but I wish I could go back & let them be clingy all they wanted before they grew out of it!) Anyways, Serwaa showers me with hugs and kisses all day long. She can make prolonged eye contact easily. (Something I was never good at, so I have to be very careful not to discourage it too!) She somewhat allows herself to be comforted by me when she is hurt. (She doesn't come to me for comfort, I go to her. But- she allows herself to be held and consoled.) She struggles a little to say 'I love you'. She can do it, but sometimes it's a very soft delayed reaction. (For instance, I tell the girls I love them when I'm tucking them in. Serwaa often waits until I shut the door, then responds 'I love you too, mommy'.) Other days though, she will just come and tell me she loves me. (But that isn't as common.) She expresses a great desire to go back to visit her friends and family in Ghana. She doesn't want to go back to stay. She just misses her friends, just like any child would. She talks to her friends in the orphanage every once in awhile. She hasn't really seemed to grieve. (Except when she realized her biological father was dead. She never knew him, but just the fact that he was not alive somewhere made her sad.) She seems to have a sense of belonging here. She has mostly released her motherly role to me. (She doesn't try to be Konto's mom now. Although she will still sometimes stand by when we are disciplining (talking) to Konto. We have to gently remind her that we can take care of it, and dismiss her.) She is very obedient and respectful. She is a great sister, and very easy to get along with. Of course, I can't read her mind, but her attachment seems pretty great.
Now Konto. Konto has also always been pretty easy to get along with. In fact, if I hadn't read so much dang literature on attachment- I would say it was perfect! He is also semi-affectionate. I think part of that he has just grown out of. He is, after all, a boy. He used to hold my hand everday, hug me every 5 minutes, and tell me he loves me 'soooooo much' at night. Not to mention want to be carried around 24 hours a day. But now, not so much.
He actually reminds me SO much of myself as a child now. I remember my mom telling me that I was like hugging a board! (I loved my mom & dad, just wasn't an affectionate child at all!) I was VERY uncomfortable saying 'I love you'. And I didn't like holding hands in the parking lot.
Konto almost never says I love you anymore. I think it is a very uncomfortable thing for him to say. He usually stands stiff like a board when I hug him. However, he does like to snuggle during movies. He still likes to be carried around- but only if I offer to carry him. He doesn't ask anymore. He is able to make eye contact, but not maintain it. It usually only lasts about a second at a time. Also, he doesn't normally allow me to comfort him. For instance, if he falls in the driveway, I will go to him. When I try to sit him up to look at his cut, he pulls away. He also won't allow me to hug him when he's hurt. Same thing when he is upset. I will try to hold him, but he won't let me. He doesn't want to be consoled. He usually eventually lets me hold him- but only after he's quit fighting (physically & emotionally). Once he finds the courage to say what is really wrong (not the fake reason he finds to cry-like his room is boring), he will relax his body so that I can hold him. (And I'm not talking major meltdowns like most people would picture. Just simple, rare nights where he is fussy and doesn't want to be consoled.) Konto is a very happy boy, but he does grieve more than Serwaa. Mostly- he misses his friends. They were like his brothers. He knew them almost his whole life. He's always had 'brothers'. And now, he is the only boy. He asks almost every night if we can 'get him a brother'. He hates having his own room because he is lonely. He also can't wait to go back and visit Ghana, but at the same time, he doesn't want to have to say goodbye again. He feels like he abandoned them. At first, he didn't want to make friends here. He felt like he was betraying his old friends. That must be so hard on such a young boy- constant feelings of guilt and betrayal. It makes me sad for him. But- he is amazingly strong. You would never know by being around him how much loss he has suffered in his short life.
And last but not least: Malorie. People also often worry about how adoption will affect the children already in their home. I'm no different. I went through the whole 'what have I done' panic attack on the way to Africa the last time. Was it fair to jeopardize the life of 'my' child? Now I realize how silly that was. Yes, it could've been worse. It may get worse. Our new children could've had major trauma and attachment issues. It could've been hard. Very hard. But- making life harder doesn't neccessarily mean making life worse for our first children. After all, an easy life doesn't always breed better children anyways.
We are thankful that we haven't had to deal with some of the really tough stuff that many families do. That's not to say that it hasn't affected Malorie though. Much like giving birth to a 2nd bio kid does. Malorie is jealous sometimes. She misses it just being me & her sometimes. She would miss that no matter how we added another child to our family. So yes, she's lost some. But she's gained alot more. She would never admit it- but Serwaa is her best friend. They do argue alot, but not as much as I did with my brothers. They dress like twins alot. They bathe together. They do secret handshakes....
Malorie's capacity to love has grown. She looks out for her brother and sister. She really does love them. Many nights I hear her voice floating through the air. I just have to smile. She's telling Serwaa bedtime stories again. Whale stories. (Like on Finding Nemo. She speaks whale. It's loud. It's kind of annoying while I'm trying to go to sleep. The girls love it.)
So that about sums it up. It's been one good year. I'm looking forward to the rest of them. We are so thankful for our 3 beautiful children!!!
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Konto's Birthday...
I know, I know! Slackest blogger EVER!! Sorry! But, last but not least in our string of seemingly back-to-back birthdays was Konto. This poor guy waited FOREVER for his birthday. In fact, I went to Ghana on Oct 20th last year to pick him up. At that time, we hadn't determined a birthday for him. (Between all of the 'birthdates' on his legal paperwork, we had several to choose from!) It wasn't until several months into him being home that we decided on an age & birthday to give him. So, he was pretty much with us a full year before getting a birthday. He waited so patiently.
When it was finally his turn, he was so excited! First, he picked out his invitations. He looked for a good half hour before deciding on an invitation. At last, he said he found the PERFECT invitations. He proudly held
them up for me to read: "You're Invited. 1st Birthday!"
I didn't have the heart to tell him it was for a baby. He was just too happy. He wanted everyone to know that it was his first birthday he had ever had. (I did, however, talk him out of getting the pretty pink '1st
Birthday' invitations to mail to the girls.)
We had his party at a house/party rental place with a basement full of toys and games. It was awesome. He loved the presents, and he loved the attention!
For his birthday, he asked his sisters to cook for him. So, Malorie made his cake. Serwaa made jollaf and
salad. And of course, we ordered pizza.
I can't believe he's already another year older!! When we first fell in love with this guy, he was '5 years old' (according to the paperwork). So hard to believe that he's 9!
So....
9 Things Konto has grown out of this year that I already miss:
1. Chanting whenever he wants something to happen
2. Asking to be held all day, every day
3. Calling Serwaa 'Maame Yaa'
4. Breaking into dance on a daily basis
5. Using the word 'buttocks' for bottom, end, butt, trunk...
6. Speaking Twi
7. Using only red, yellow and green crayons
8. Asking 'Is it true?' about everything (statues, talking veggie cartoons...)
9. Responding 'Thursday' when asked for his birthday
And one random story: A couple weeks ago, someone asked his name. After responding, he turned his back to the lady. I asked why. He said, "I was afraid she will ask me how old am I. And I didn't remember, so I turned around." And he doesn't remember most of the time. Neither does Serwaa. They never had to. I think it's kinda awesome that, in their culture, age really doesn't matter. Something can be learned here...
Monday, September 10, 2012
Malorie's 12th Birthday...
So sad. My baby girl is already 12. She's in MIDDLE school. I'm not even gonna say 'where did the time go?', because that'll just make me sound old. I am a little bummed that she's growing up so quick.
But, I gotta say- she's a good one. On her birthday, I took Malorie, Serwaa, Konto, and 2 friends to get some frozen yogurt. There was a TV in the yogurt place, so the kids could watch while eating. Half-way through our time there, I heard Malorie say, "Hey guys, mom doesn't like this show." (About 2 years ago, I had told Malorie that I didn't want her to watch this particular show.) So, my kids all sat there with their heads down, making sure they didn't look up at the TV! I was so proud. (I know, I know. I can't always be this lucky. It will probably come. I'm just enjoying it while it lasts!)
Malorie had a great birthday. She made her own cake. She had a friend and cousin over to spend the night. Most of the kids stayed up til 3am. I am super lucky to have such a great 12 year old! (Who unfortunately is turning out to be quite gorgeous. This is gonna be trouble eventually....)
Friday, August 31, 2012
Serwaa's First (11th) Birthday...
Last Friday was Serwaa's first birthday. She turned 11. 
Birthdays are always fun. But most kids have been celebrating them from their very first year. They're a given. You expect cake, icecream and presents- because that's how it's always been.
But for a child who's never celebrated their own birthday... There's just no accurate way to describe it.
I gotta say, it's the most fun 'first birthday' I've ever experienced!
This year was the first time Serwaa has ever blown out a candle! Ever! It was the first time she's had a birthday cake. To watch an 11 year old girl experience that for the first time was priceless. She loved the presents, and the balloons, and the cake. She was a little overwhelmed with the attention. But- after everyone left, she had a blast! She put on her new dress. And her new makeup. She decorated her new bag, painted on the road, played mermaids and barbies, colored in her new books... And even though I totally beat her at Pretty Pretty Princess, she loved it!
As we were playing with an 'evil balloon' that night, she blurted out, "This is the most fun day I ever had in my life!"
Pure joy.
So there it is. The first birthday. And in honor of her 11th birthday- here are 11 random things she has told me this month:
1. At the church where you go all night, you can eat the dirt.
2. Madaam Moke is a ghost who walks around with one high heel.
3. She used to eat the chalk from school.
4. Some people eat the dogs. But she doesn't.
5. She thinks she remembers eating snake at her grandmother's house.
6. If bitten by a snake, put chewed onion on it to draw out the poison.
7. If a schoolgirl's hair grows, it blocks knowledge from reaching her brain. So they keep it shaved.
8. If someone swings their leg over your head, you will be short when you grow.
9. Don't lean a hand on the ground while eating. Satan will soak up all of your food.
10. The dirt tastes good after it rains a little. Still the smell makes her hungry.
11. If you don't have enough blood, you need to drink tomato paste & water.
Friday, April 6, 2012
Five Month Update...
It's been five months. Already. My kids have been home for five months! It seems like yesterday that we were still fighting roadblock after roadblock to get them here. But then- it also seems odd to picture a time when they weren't here. Contradictory, I know. But true.
I am happy to give another boring report- The kids are still doing great!
Malorie: This is one tough kid. She's handled alot of change in her young life. For a long time, it was just the two of us. And life was great. It was very hard on her when we brought Al (my husband) into our family. She
had to share me for the first time. Then, we added a brother & sister. She has handled it like a true champion. However, that doesn't mean it is easy on her. Sometimes she feels like she's lost in the crowd, and just wants me to scoop her up & take her away. And sometimes I do. But I must say- she LOVES her sister. Sometimes she gets tired of being 'copied'. But she's a great big sister. I love spying on them when they're in their room playing & giggling & telling stories about Ghana... These two have a very special bond.
Serwaa: Growing up too quick. She has gained 10 lbs and grown two inches! She has shocked me with how quickly she is learning to read. I thought it would never happen, but she has seriously taken off at lightening speed! It's amazing! She is easy to get along with. She is definately the least fussy of all my children! Her bed-wetting is still an issue. But she is trying, and will overcome that too. All in good time. She has only had
one flare up of Malaria so far. She still likes to sleep an obsurd amount, but that may be due to her age. (As
a side note- I can't imagine coming to a new family, in a new country, and entering puberty all at the same
time. What a brave, brave girl!) She is doing great with food. She eats ALOT more now. She also loves to cook. I hope she will always love Ghana's food & cook it often. She misses her country and her friends. As do I. Maybe someday...
Konto: My big baby. The human necklace. He can generally be found hanging from my neck, clinging to my back, or sitting on me. Quite possibly THE most snuggly child in this world. I get at least 100 hugs a day. And not the flimsy obligatory hugs. I mean the good ones. The ones where you eventually have to pry the child off so that you can get something accomplished during the day. Sweetest boy ever. He hasn't need diapers at night for months now. He is still eating like a starving man, but has occassionally been able to realize he is full. (Even if it is after 18 pieces of pizza.) He has gained around 15 lbs & grown 2 inches! He loves to wear a suit & tie. He likes to act like his dad. (Going outside shirtless every Saturday to wash his bicycle...) He still HATES having his own room. It just feels too big and empty still compared to his room at the orphanage. He is still struggling with reading. He forgets which sounds come from which letters. But he loves books. He likes for me to read every library book about 3 times before returning it. He still gets his feelings hurt easy. And he still loves electricity. He is a VERY smart child. Move over Macgyver!
I am so glad to have everything still going so well. There couldn't have possibly been two kids in the whole
world that would've fit better into our family. It's an odd thing to experience (this 'un-natural' kind of bond). People ofter tell me that they're not sure they could love another kid like their own. Honestly, I wasn't always sure either. But it's like welding. Once the welder is finished, you really can't seperate the two pipes. It's just all one piece. That's kinda how I feel about the kids (bio & adopted). We're just all one piece.
I am happy to give another boring report- The kids are still doing great!
Malorie: This is one tough kid. She's handled alot of change in her young life. For a long time, it was just the two of us. And life was great. It was very hard on her when we brought Al (my husband) into our family. She
had to share me for the first time. Then, we added a brother & sister. She has handled it like a true champion. However, that doesn't mean it is easy on her. Sometimes she feels like she's lost in the crowd, and just wants me to scoop her up & take her away. And sometimes I do. But I must say- she LOVES her sister. Sometimes she gets tired of being 'copied'. But she's a great big sister. I love spying on them when they're in their room playing & giggling & telling stories about Ghana... These two have a very special bond.
Serwaa: Growing up too quick. She has gained 10 lbs and grown two inches! She has shocked me with how quickly she is learning to read. I thought it would never happen, but she has seriously taken off at lightening speed! It's amazing! She is easy to get along with. She is definately the least fussy of all my children! Her bed-wetting is still an issue. But she is trying, and will overcome that too. All in good time. She has only had
one flare up of Malaria so far. She still likes to sleep an obsurd amount, but that may be due to her age. (As
a side note- I can't imagine coming to a new family, in a new country, and entering puberty all at the same
time. What a brave, brave girl!) She is doing great with food. She eats ALOT more now. She also loves to cook. I hope she will always love Ghana's food & cook it often. She misses her country and her friends. As do I. Maybe someday...
Konto: My big baby. The human necklace. He can generally be found hanging from my neck, clinging to my back, or sitting on me. Quite possibly THE most snuggly child in this world. I get at least 100 hugs a day. And not the flimsy obligatory hugs. I mean the good ones. The ones where you eventually have to pry the child off so that you can get something accomplished during the day. Sweetest boy ever. He hasn't need diapers at night for months now. He is still eating like a starving man, but has occassionally been able to realize he is full. (Even if it is after 18 pieces of pizza.) He has gained around 15 lbs & grown 2 inches! He loves to wear a suit & tie. He likes to act like his dad. (Going outside shirtless every Saturday to wash his bicycle...) He still HATES having his own room. It just feels too big and empty still compared to his room at the orphanage. He is still struggling with reading. He forgets which sounds come from which letters. But he loves books. He likes for me to read every library book about 3 times before returning it. He still gets his feelings hurt easy. And he still loves electricity. He is a VERY smart child. Move over Macgyver!
I am so glad to have everything still going so well. There couldn't have possibly been two kids in the whole
world that would've fit better into our family. It's an odd thing to experience (this 'un-natural' kind of bond). People ofter tell me that they're not sure they could love another kid like their own. Honestly, I wasn't always sure either. But it's like welding. Once the welder is finished, you really can't seperate the two pipes. It's just all one piece. That's kinda how I feel about the kids (bio & adopted). We're just all one piece.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Ghana-Style...
When my kids were living in an orphanage, there was only one way to handle disputes. Physically. If you want someone else's toy, you beat them and take it. If someone makes you mad, you beat them. If someone takes your things, you beat them.
When Serwaa & Konto first got here, there was a lot of beating. But it didn't take long at all for Malorie to teach them the art of tattle-telling. (She is an expert, after all.) And Serwaa & Konto picked up on it very quickly. Now, they will tell EVERYTHING. And it's never an abbreviated version. They tell the whole story. And many times it's ridiculous. Example:
"Mommy! My leggings get a hole. I say, 'O no, my leggings get a hole. Dis is not good.' And Konto say, 'Ooo, dis is good. Dis is very good.' And then he do me dis: (sticks tongue out). And I say 'Konto, don't do me dat!' And he doesn't mind me."
It's a little commical really. But it gets a little old some days! Sometimes I just wanna tell them to handle it themselves... Ghana-style!
When Serwaa & Konto first got here, there was a lot of beating. But it didn't take long at all for Malorie to teach them the art of tattle-telling. (She is an expert, after all.) And Serwaa & Konto picked up on it very quickly. Now, they will tell EVERYTHING. And it's never an abbreviated version. They tell the whole story. And many times it's ridiculous. Example:
"Mommy! My leggings get a hole. I say, 'O no, my leggings get a hole. Dis is not good.' And Konto say, 'Ooo, dis is good. Dis is very good.' And then he do me dis: (sticks tongue out). And I say 'Konto, don't do me dat!' And he doesn't mind me."
It's a little commical really. But it gets a little old some days! Sometimes I just wanna tell them to handle it themselves... Ghana-style!
Monday, February 13, 2012
Hair...
This post is mostly for my own memory. Serwaa's hair. (Just for the record- that Cowsills' song, Hair, is totally playing in my head right now.) One day I hope to look back and be like, "Man, I sure did get better at hair!". Hopefully. I gotta admit that I REALLY stink at this whole thing right now. I should've been studying and practicing doing black girl hair all along. But, in my defense, I assumed her head would be shaved when she got here. I thought I had lots of time to learn. I was wrong. She has lots of hair. I just gotta figure out what to do with it!
 |
| Our 1st picture |
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| Dec 2010, when we met |
The picture on the left was taken in the summer of 2011. This is how her hair still was in Oct 2011 when I went to pick them up. Once we got to Accra, we went to a braider & got it re-done (for $3).
Once we got home, it was an adventure. First, my friend came over to wash it for me. I have never seen SO MUCH DIRT come out of someone's hair before. It was amazing! Then my friend braided it. After that, Malorie styled it (and did a great job)! Since Malorie's style only lasted til it dried, I did some bantu knots.
Then I tried to braid it. Poor child.
Since that obviously didn't work, I paid someone else to braid it. I always remember my friend Washita saying something about being in the hair place for 6 hours. I almost didn't believe it. Now I do. It took 5!
Luckily, this lasted for about a month! After that, she has just kept it loose alot. (Thank goodness, because this could add up pretty quick!)
Her and Konto even wore a wig for awhile!
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Grocery Store....
I know. It doesn't sound too exciting. But I love going to the grocery store. It is so much fun to watch people's expression when I'm out shopping with my 3 kids. We are in the south, afterall. Inter-racial adoption isn't as common here as it is elsewhere.
When Serwaa or Konto call out "Mommy!", everyone within earshot watches with unabashed curiosity to see if I respond. They will then stay on our aisle just to watch us.
What makes it even funnier is what usually comes after "Mommy!" For instance, "What is THAT!!???" To anyone else, it is just a pack of hotdogs. People stare in amazement at the fact that these 9 & 7 year old children have never seen a hotdog before. Then comes the next string of questions. (My kids know the words 'hot' and 'dog'. Imagine what must be going through their minds at that point!) Haha!
Next example: In Target, Konto asked me to buy a pack of crackers. (My default answer is NO.) So, when I actually picked it up, Konto said (very loudly) "That is my MOTHER!!!!" Then proceeded to dance down the aisle right past the onlookers.
We also went to McDonalds recently. I absent-mindedly asked if they wanted chicken nuggets or a cheeseburger. Totally forgot to explain it to them in the car. We had to step out of the line so that I could explain a cheeseburger. Got some weird looks for that, too.
I have to say, grocery shopping & fast food have never been more interesting!
When Serwaa or Konto call out "Mommy!", everyone within earshot watches with unabashed curiosity to see if I respond. They will then stay on our aisle just to watch us.
What makes it even funnier is what usually comes after "Mommy!" For instance, "What is THAT!!???" To anyone else, it is just a pack of hotdogs. People stare in amazement at the fact that these 9 & 7 year old children have never seen a hotdog before. Then comes the next string of questions. (My kids know the words 'hot' and 'dog'. Imagine what must be going through their minds at that point!) Haha!
Next example: In Target, Konto asked me to buy a pack of crackers. (My default answer is NO.) So, when I actually picked it up, Konto said (very loudly) "That is my MOTHER!!!!" Then proceeded to dance down the aisle right past the onlookers.
We also went to McDonalds recently. I absent-mindedly asked if they wanted chicken nuggets or a cheeseburger. Totally forgot to explain it to them in the car. We had to step out of the line so that I could explain a cheeseburger. Got some weird looks for that, too.
I have to say, grocery shopping & fast food have never been more interesting!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
So Far, So Good...
It's been 2.5 weeks. Everything is still going great! I'm not sure when all that awfulness I have read about & prepared myself for is supposed to kick in. But honestly, it's all good right now. So here's a quick update on it all.
Food:
Serwaa is still VERY picky. She refuses to try almost everything new. If she refuses to try the food I've made, I refuse to make anything else. If she tries it & dislikes it, I will give her a few more options. However, even when forced to try something, she will lick it, then say she doesn't like it. Konto still eats like a starving man. Serwaa knows how to make a few things from Ghana. Yesterday they made 'ato' (I think). It was boiled & smashed ripe plantain mixed with 'nkatemali' (peanut butter) & raw onion. We even sat in the floor & all ate from the same bowl with our hands! She has also made plantain fried in palm oil.
Brother/Sister Relationships:
The kids generally love each other. Malorie told me the other day, "I love having a brother and sister!" The girls tell each other "My seesta, I love you!" about 5 times a day. Konto tells them "I don't love you oppossite." The hitting is decreasing, but we still have a long way to go. Malorie spent half of the day doing hairstyles for Serwaa. Poor Serwaa. The kids even made a 'siblings club' in the attic today. These 3 have been really fun!
Health:
Konto's toe still looks awful, but at least it's not infected now. Maybe one day he'll have a real toenail. Serwaa went to her 1st checkup on Monday. Her hearing, sight & hemoglobin are all good. She will have lots of bloodwork done once I return her stool sample to the lab. (Parenthood is so glamorous, I know.) Also, after the Dr looked her over completely, he said he would assume she is around 9 years old. And a huge relief: Konto has gone a week with no pullups at night, and Serwaa has gone 3 nights! I have read that this problem sometimes re-surfaces, but I'm so glad to not be buying pullups this week!
General Behavior:
The kids are both pretty shy at first. They tend to look down & not speak when people speak to them. They never approach strangers or anything scary. However, they will attach themselves easily to people who buy them things or give them gifts, and are not shy to keep asking people to buy them more things! I imagine this will die down once the memory of having nothing fades. They obey pretty well. (Except for lying, we have a long way to go with that one!)
Funny Ghana Behavior:
Never closing the bathroom door
Eating rice with hands
Urinating in public
Running around naked after baths
(We haven't even bothered to try to change any of this yet. All in good time.)
Attachment:
This is still a non-issue for me. It's just like the first time we were together in Ghana. They don't feel like new kids. They really feel like they've always been my kids. I have yet to get frustrated with them like I would with someone else's child who lies or pouts. Maybe this wears off after the 'honeymoon' stage. I'm not gonna paint a fairytale, so I'll let ya know! For Al it seems easy too. Of course, he's usually not home during any negative behaviors, so that helps! He's like a big kid. He has 2 more people to play with, so he couldn't be happier! For Malorie it's been much easier than expected. Maybe this too is part of a honeymoon stage. Serwaa & Konto- I'm not sure how to judge their attachment to us. They seem attached. They like to snuggle with us. They look me in the eye when talking. (Serwaa is better about it than Konto though. He doesn't hold a gaze for too long.) I guess time will tell.
Food:
Serwaa is still VERY picky. She refuses to try almost everything new. If she refuses to try the food I've made, I refuse to make anything else. If she tries it & dislikes it, I will give her a few more options. However, even when forced to try something, she will lick it, then say she doesn't like it. Konto still eats like a starving man. Serwaa knows how to make a few things from Ghana. Yesterday they made 'ato' (I think). It was boiled & smashed ripe plantain mixed with 'nkatemali' (peanut butter) & raw onion. We even sat in the floor & all ate from the same bowl with our hands! She has also made plantain fried in palm oil.
Brother/Sister Relationships:
The kids generally love each other. Malorie told me the other day, "I love having a brother and sister!" The girls tell each other "My seesta, I love you!" about 5 times a day. Konto tells them "I don't love you oppossite." The hitting is decreasing, but we still have a long way to go. Malorie spent half of the day doing hairstyles for Serwaa. Poor Serwaa. The kids even made a 'siblings club' in the attic today. These 3 have been really fun!
Health:
Konto's toe still looks awful, but at least it's not infected now. Maybe one day he'll have a real toenail. Serwaa went to her 1st checkup on Monday. Her hearing, sight & hemoglobin are all good. She will have lots of bloodwork done once I return her stool sample to the lab. (Parenthood is so glamorous, I know.) Also, after the Dr looked her over completely, he said he would assume she is around 9 years old. And a huge relief: Konto has gone a week with no pullups at night, and Serwaa has gone 3 nights! I have read that this problem sometimes re-surfaces, but I'm so glad to not be buying pullups this week!
General Behavior:
The kids are both pretty shy at first. They tend to look down & not speak when people speak to them. They never approach strangers or anything scary. However, they will attach themselves easily to people who buy them things or give them gifts, and are not shy to keep asking people to buy them more things! I imagine this will die down once the memory of having nothing fades. They obey pretty well. (Except for lying, we have a long way to go with that one!)
Funny Ghana Behavior:
Never closing the bathroom door
Eating rice with hands
Urinating in public
Running around naked after baths
(We haven't even bothered to try to change any of this yet. All in good time.)
Attachment:
This is still a non-issue for me. It's just like the first time we were together in Ghana. They don't feel like new kids. They really feel like they've always been my kids. I have yet to get frustrated with them like I would with someone else's child who lies or pouts. Maybe this wears off after the 'honeymoon' stage. I'm not gonna paint a fairytale, so I'll let ya know! For Al it seems easy too. Of course, he's usually not home during any negative behaviors, so that helps! He's like a big kid. He has 2 more people to play with, so he couldn't be happier! For Malorie it's been much easier than expected. Maybe this too is part of a honeymoon stage. Serwaa & Konto- I'm not sure how to judge their attachment to us. They seem attached. They like to snuggle with us. They look me in the eye when talking. (Serwaa is better about it than Konto though. He doesn't hold a gaze for too long.) I guess time will tell.
Monday, November 7, 2011
A Week...
I can't believe the kids have been home a whole week now! (Actually, a week and two days.) It has really been good. Konto went to his first doctor's appointment on Friday. (His toe is infected where his toenail should be.) He did really well, and the nurses all liked him.
They are trying more food, but still loving their regular foods. So, we try to have a mixture of both. (Like hamburgers with ampesi, or Pork Chops with rice & shitor.) Konto eats more than any person I've seen in my life (even myself)! Maybe it's because he didn't have the option to eat alot before. But man, he doesn't stop until you make him! He's gonna be huge in one month!
The kids still hit alot, but maybe it's getting a little better. All in all, the kids are getting along well. Of course they fight sometimes, but it's not too bad. The girls are still trying to pick out matching clothes everyday. They insist on taking their baths together. And they are always playing tricks on their brother.
Konto is loving being the baby. He wakes up early every morning, just to lay in our bed for a couple more hours. He is also daddy's boy. On Saturday night, we went to the mexican restaurant. When Konto saw that daddy had gone up to the front for karaoke, he ran up there to give him a hug. Then, he stayed up there and danced through the entire song! He was breaking it down! So funny! He is also a pouter. If he doesn't get his way, he is definately gonna pout/ not talk/ not walk...
So, that's how it's going now. Over all- very good!
The kids still hit alot, but maybe it's getting a little better. All in all, the kids are getting along well. Of course they fight sometimes, but it's not too bad. The girls are still trying to pick out matching clothes everyday. They insist on taking their baths together. And they are always playing tricks on their brother.
So, that's how it's going now. Over all- very good!
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Living in a House...
It's so funny to watch the kids as the learn to live in a house. Of course, they lived in a 'house' before. The orphanage has a girls house & boys house. But, it's so different. Most of the day the kids are outside. They eat outside, bathe outside and play outside all day long.
Here, we are inside alot. Things are so different, so there is alot to be learned! For instance- when the kids have trash, it is thrown in the floor. When Serwaa was tired of chewing her gum, she spit it in the floor. Konto threw a golf ball at the wall in his room. After playing outside with sidewalk chalk, Konto brought it in & started using it on the carpet! He also got red ink on his hand accidentally, so he wiped it on the carpet! Dirty tissue paper is put in the trash, not the toilet. Doors are NEVER shut, whether they are changing clothes, bathing, or using the toilet...
It's all so funny! They aren't being bad at all, they just don't know otherwise! Also- today we were leaving a friends house. We all got in the car, except Konto. He went to go pee in the neighbors front yard! I quickly stopped him, so he went to the vacant lot across from it to pee instead. (He didn't mind that the construction workers could see him!) Never a dull moment!
Here, we are inside alot. Things are so different, so there is alot to be learned! For instance- when the kids have trash, it is thrown in the floor. When Serwaa was tired of chewing her gum, she spit it in the floor. Konto threw a golf ball at the wall in his room. After playing outside with sidewalk chalk, Konto brought it in & started using it on the carpet! He also got red ink on his hand accidentally, so he wiped it on the carpet! Dirty tissue paper is put in the trash, not the toilet. Doors are NEVER shut, whether they are changing clothes, bathing, or using the toilet...
It's all so funny! They aren't being bad at all, they just don't know otherwise! Also- today we were leaving a friends house. We all got in the car, except Konto. He went to go pee in the neighbors front yard! I quickly stopped him, so he went to the vacant lot across from it to pee instead. (He didn't mind that the construction workers could see him!) Never a dull moment!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Knight, Party of 5...
It is so good to be home with my whole family. We got home Saturday night after spending about 36 hours between airplanes & airports. It's been really nice so far! Sunday morning we went to church, then out to eat. It was so much fun when they asked 'how many?', & we FINALLY got to say 5 instead of 3!
Malorie, Serwaa & Konto are all getting along pretty well. There is still alot of hitting, even though much of it is just playing very roughly. The kids are slowly learning to eat more than just rice, bread & soup. But suppertime is still a struggle. Usually I just make one thing they like, and one thing everybody else likes. And Konto- he eats like a grown man! He wants at least 3rds of everything he likes, & eats everyone's leftovers!
They are loving all the toys here. I'm sure things will get rough eventually, once all the newness wears off. But now, it's very good. Sometimes one of them will just start refusing to do what I ask, but it doesn't usually last too long.
A wonderful lady at my church gave me lots of samples for the kids. Lotion, shampoo, conditioner, scalp oil... lots of stuff. And gave me a short lesson in how to care for their skin & hair. So thankful to have people like that around! But, I'm sure I'll need lots more coaching along the way!
Also, the kids got to skype with an old friend from the orphanage today. They had SO MUCH FUN! I love it!
Malorie, Serwaa & Konto are all getting along pretty well. There is still alot of hitting, even though much of it is just playing very roughly. The kids are slowly learning to eat more than just rice, bread & soup. But suppertime is still a struggle. Usually I just make one thing they like, and one thing everybody else likes. And Konto- he eats like a grown man! He wants at least 3rds of everything he likes, & eats everyone's leftovers!
They are loving all the toys here. I'm sure things will get rough eventually, once all the newness wears off. But now, it's very good. Sometimes one of them will just start refusing to do what I ask, but it doesn't usually last too long.
A wonderful lady at my church gave me lots of samples for the kids. Lotion, shampoo, conditioner, scalp oil... lots of stuff. And gave me a short lesson in how to care for their skin & hair. So thankful to have people like that around! But, I'm sure I'll need lots more coaching along the way!
Also, the kids got to skype with an old friend from the orphanage today. They had SO MUCH FUN! I love it!
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