Five Month Update...

It's been five months. Already. My kids have been home for five months! It seems like yesterday that we were still fighting roadblock after roadblock to get them here. But then- it also seems odd to picture a time when they weren't here. Contradictory, I know. But true.

I am happy to give another boring report- The kids are still doing great!


Malorie: This is one tough kid. She's handled alot of change in her young life. For a long time, it was just the two of us. And life was great. It was very hard on her when we brought Al (my husband) into our family. She
had to share me for the first time. Then, we added a brother & sister. She has handled it like a true champion. However, that doesn't mean it is easy on her. Sometimes she feels like she's lost in the crowd, and just wants me to scoop her up & take her away. And sometimes I do. But I must say- she LOVES her sister. Sometimes she gets tired of being 'copied'. But she's a great big sister. I love spying on them when they're in their room playing & giggling & telling stories about Ghana... These two have a very special bond.

Serwaa: Growing up too quick. She has gained 10 lbs and grown two inches! She has shocked me with how quickly she is learning to read. I thought it would never happen, but she has seriously taken off at lightening speed! It's amazing! She is easy to get along with. She is definately the least fussy of all my children! Her bed-wetting is still an issue. But she is trying, and will overcome that too. All in good time. She has only had
one flare up of Malaria so far. She still likes to sleep an obsurd amount, but that may be due to her age. (As
a side note- I can't imagine coming to a new family, in a new country, and entering puberty all at the same
time. What a brave, brave girl!) She is doing great with food. She eats ALOT more now. She also loves to cook. I hope she will always love Ghana's food & cook it often. She misses her country and her friends. As do I. Maybe someday...


Konto: My big baby. The human necklace. He can generally be found hanging from my neck, clinging to my back, or sitting on me. Quite possibly THE most snuggly child in this world. I get at least 100 hugs a day. And not the flimsy obligatory hugs. I mean the good ones. The ones where you eventually have to pry the child off so that you can get something accomplished during the day. Sweetest boy ever. He hasn't need diapers at night for months now. He is still eating like a starving man, but has occassionally been able to realize he is full. (Even if it is after 18 pieces of pizza.) He has gained around 15 lbs & grown 2 inches! He loves to wear a suit & tie. He likes to act like his dad. (Going outside shirtless every Saturday to wash his bicycle...) He still HATES having his own room. It just feels too big and empty still compared to his room at the orphanage. He is still struggling with reading. He forgets which sounds come from which letters. But he loves books. He likes for me to read every library book about 3 times before returning it. He still gets his feelings hurt easy. And he still loves electricity. He is a VERY smart child. Move over Macgyver!

I am so glad to have everything still going so well. There couldn't have possibly been two kids in the whole
world that would've fit better into our family. It's an odd thing to experience (this 'un-natural' kind of bond). People ofter tell me that they're not sure they could love another kid like their own. Honestly, I wasn't always sure either. But it's like welding. Once the welder is finished, you really can't seperate the two pipes. It's just all one piece. That's kinda how I feel about the kids (bio & adopted). We're just all one piece.

Ghana-Style...

When my kids were living in an orphanage, there was only one way to handle disputes. Physically. If you want someone else's toy, you beat them and take it. If someone makes you mad, you beat them. If someone takes your things, you beat them.




When Serwaa & Konto first got here, there was a lot of beating. But it didn't take long at all for Malorie to teach them the art of tattle-telling. (She is an expert, after all.) And Serwaa & Konto picked up on it very quickly. Now, they will tell EVERYTHING. And it's never an abbreviated version. They tell the whole story. And many times it's ridiculous. Example:



"Mommy! My leggings get a hole. I say, 'O no, my leggings get a hole. Dis is not good.' And Konto say, 'Ooo, dis is good. Dis is very good.' And then he do me dis: (sticks tongue out). And I say 'Konto, don't do me dat!' And he doesn't mind me."



It's a little commical really. But it gets a little old some days! Sometimes I just wanna tell them to handle it themselves... Ghana-style!

Hair...

This post is mostly for my own memory. Serwaa's hair. (Just for the record- that Cowsills' song, Hair, is totally playing in my head right now.) One day I hope to look back and be like, "Man, I sure did get better at hair!". Hopefully. I gotta admit that I REALLY stink at this whole thing right now. I should've been studying and practicing doing black girl hair all along. But, in my defense, I assumed her head would be shaved when she got here. I thought I had lots of time to learn. I was wrong. She has lots of hair. I just gotta figure out what to do with it!

Our 1st picture

Dec 2010, when we met

The picture on the left was taken in the summer of 2011. This is how her hair still was in Oct 2011 when I went to pick them up. Once we got to Accra, we went to a braider & got it re-done (for $3).

Once we got home, it was an adventure. First, my friend came over to wash it for me. I have never seen SO MUCH DIRT come out of someone's hair before. It was amazing! Then my friend braided it. After that, Malorie styled it (and did a great job)! Since Malorie's style only lasted til it dried, I did some bantu knots. 

Then I tried to braid it. Poor child.

 Since that obviously didn't work, I paid someone else to braid it. I always remember my friend Washita saying something about being in the hair place for 6 hours. I almost didn't believe it. Now I do. It took 5!

Luckily, this lasted for about a month! After that, she has just kept it loose alot. (Thank goodness, because this could add up pretty quick!)

Her and Konto even wore a wig for awhile!

Next I tried braiding again. It was really raggedy-looking. But at least better than the first time. (Which isn't saying alot!) And- my crappy braiding took 4 hours! This morning we did some smaller bantu knots again. She likes it braided the best. So I guess I'll try it again tomorrow. Wish me luck!!

Names.....

People very often ask about our Ghanaian kid's names. So- here is the complete story of their names. (Or at least all I know of it.)



When the children were very young and living with their grandmother, their only names were Yaa and Yaw. (They may have actually been given other names at the naming ceremony, but nobody remembers them if they were.) Yaa is the day name for a female born on Thursday. Yaw is the name for a male born on Thursday. There were no middle or last names. Just Yaa and Yaw.


Eventually the grandmother and aunt were no longer able to care for the children, so they were brought to the orphanage. At that point they were given the names they currently go by: Serwaa (after the grandmother) and Konto (after the deceased grandfather). From then on, our son went by Konto. Our daughter was called Yaa Serwaa.


When the children started attending school at the orphanage, the school administrator wanted them to also have a more english name. She chose Felicity for Serwaa, and Jackson for Konto. (I believe that Jackson was suggested by his friend, Oleman.)


They have never had last names.

We took forever trying to decide what to actually name them legally. We were originally going to keep Felicity & Jackson. But after I spent a few weeks in Ghana calling them Yaa Serwaa & Konto, I just couldn't picture ever calling them anything else. So, we decided to drop the english names. (The kids may eventually hate us for that!) But, they had never actually gone by those names. In fact, Konto couldn't remember if his name was Jackson or Justice. And he didn't know how to write either one. And Felicity. Ever since that show 'Felicity' with the big-hair girl... I just never liked that name anyways! Plus- I just can't picture her as a Felicity. It just doesn't seem to fit.

So we looked for new middle names.

When I met Serwaa, she reminded me alot of my first born. She was shy, loved looking in the mirror, a drama queen at times, constantly posing & taking pictures of herself.... Like Malorie's long-lost african twin! The main difference was that Serwaa had a much older soul. (Like most of the children in the orphanage.)

In Ghana there are names for everything, including twins. Akwele is the name given to the elder twin. It is believed that in the case of twins, the one who is born first is younger. (The one who is born last is the elder twin, because it is mature enough to stay in the womb and help the younger child out before coming out itself.) So, although Malorie was born first, Serwaa has an older soul. That's why we decided to give her the name Akwele.


We didn't want to lose her day name, so we added it to her new middle name. She became Serwaa Akweleyaa Knight. (Although I still call her Yaa Serwaa occaisionally.)


On my last trip to Ghana, I kept hearing Konto's aunt calling him 'Wofa Yaw'. Wofa actually means 'uncle' in Twi. It's just a nickname that she had started calling him when he was a baby. It had a nice ring, so we decided to keep it!

So he is now Konto Wofayaw Knight.


There you have it. The (very long) story of our children's names!

All the Reasons Why...

During our (extremely long) adoption process, I read alot about 'high-risk, older child adoption'. There's ALOT of information out there on this subject. Most of it isn't very encouraging. Actually- most of it is just plain terrifying.



'Older child adoption' refers to the adoption of any child over the age of 3. I guess ours qualified as a super-duper older child adoption! After reading olderchildadoption.com, we pretty much expected the worst. We were afraid that attachment would come very slow for both us & the kids. (It's kinda different than just having a baby & immediately loving it.)



To make matters worse, ours weren't just 'older kids'. They were 'older, institutionalized kids'. That pretty much guarantees major issues.(Or so we have read.) Institutionalization is estimated to cause one month of delay for every 3 months the child spends in the orphanage. Ours were there for 5 & a half years. They were doomed.



We were encouraged to adopt a much younger child by lots of people. Friends, our social worker, the online adoption community... None of them meant to be discouraging, just trying to look out for us.



These are all the reasons why adopting an older child from an orphanage is too risky, especially if you are adopting two of them.

Now I'll tell you why it's worth the risk.



There are two beautiful children living in my house who are no longer orphans. They love being loved. Quite honestly, the attachment has been SO easy from the first time we met in Ghana. It was funny, because from day one we would always share my water. But I've noticed that I never drink after Malorie's friends. I think it's gross. But I'll drink after Malorie, Serwaa & Konto.



I don't struggle to treat them the same as my biological daughter. I'm not grossed out by their poop or throw-up. (But I will gag if someone else's kid pukes here!) Seriously, loving them is unexplainably easy.



In return, they seem to be doing great with attachment too. Research told us that the first 6 months would be extrememly difficult. But it's almost 3 months home, and it's all good. If I were a kid living with a new family, I would be super awkward! But Serwaa & Konto don't even seem to notice they weren't always ours! They usually wake up early, come get in my bed & snuggle as close to me as they can. They beg me to carry them downstairs (and everywhere else). Konto will move my stuff over & hang his pictures on the fridge. Serwaa stands 2 inches away from me the whole time I cook. They are just as quick to tell on Malorie as she is to tell on them. (That's what I'm most proud of. They aren't timid- they know they are equal!) And nighttime. Konto keeps his arm around me, kisses me and asks me to stay until he goes to sleep. Serwaa gives me a ton of kisses and just stares at me with a huge smile. The past couple of months have been absolutely wonderful.



If you actually got to the end of this post, thanks! I know it is long. But there's too many people out there saying 'older child adoption' isn't worth it. I want to at least be one small voice that says, "Yes. It is."

Keeping a Promise...

I know this is a long shot. But- I promised two boys in Ghana I would try. Oleman (13) and Askia (11) have begged me to come to America. I got a message from Oleman that went something like this:




Carrie- God bless you. Please. Come back and take us. The reason we want to go to America is so we can continue our education. If you cannot come, please- send a friend to come and take us. Please do not forget about us.



And I can't forget about them. I fell in love with Askia last year on my first trip to Ghana. He is such a sweet, caring child. He held my hand as we went through a part of a path that wasn't too safe. He told me which people were okay to talk to, and who I should avoid. Maybe all of the people were great people, but he is pretty protective.

 Me & Askia

Me & Askia

I actually didn't know much about Oleman until after I returned to America. He acts like my children's elder brother. He would call from the orphanage and let me talk to Serwaa & Konto during that long year until I would see them again.

Oleman

I am aware that older boys are at the bottom of the totem pole in the adoption world. Especially when there are two of them. But I promised I would ask. Promised I would pray. Promised I would try.


A social welfare report has not been completed for the boys yet. However, the orphanage directress feels that they would be declared free for international adoption. If anyone is interested, I know most of their family history.

It's so hard because they are old enough to understand that they are being left behind. Their orphanage is really great. They are doing good things. But that still doesn't stop these boys from wanting something more.

If you know anyone interested, please pass this info along. If not, please at least pray that someone will find them. They deserve a family. Every child at least deserves that.

A Different Kind of Christmas...

I love Christmas. Absolutely love it. I love the way the Christmas tree smells. I love the bright tacky lights outside. I love wrapping presents. I love watching 'Elf" countless times. I love going to my Grandmas's house. And of course- I love eating!



Christmas has been just about the same for the past several years. We've rushed around shopping for everyone. Talked about Santa Claus. Spoiled Malorie with way too many presents. Bought very expensive things that she really doesn't need. And in short just spent way too much money.


This year is different. Not bad, just different. Since the recent travel to Ghana & back (bringing our kids home), we don't have the ability to spend ungodly amounts of money like before. Of course, everybody is still getting presents. Just not as much (or as big) as we had planned.


But- it's okay. Christmas isn't just about presents. It's been a different kind of Christmas. We've tried to shift the focus off of presents and on to other things. We have been baking things for our neighbors EVERY day. (I am no baker, but everything has been good so far.) The kids have delivered the cookies & pies, and even went caroling last night! (Their idea, not mine.)


We have read stories about Jesus being born. We have watched Christmas movies. We have made Christmas ornaments and listened to Christmas music. It has been kind of nice, actually.


When Konto was praying last night, he told God 'thank you that we make things and share with the people'. It was so sweet. They said that at the orphanage, there were some Muslim people who lived close by. On Christmas, they would cook and have the children come over & eat with them. Five children at a time would go and eat from a large bowl there. They have also received those gifts in a shoebox at Christmas. But I guess this is the first time they've been on the giving end.


I hope our typical Christmas starts to look a little more like this one. (Not the being broke part.) The simple part. Just hanging out together. Doing things for other people, just because. Remembering what Christmas is really about.


Now I'm off to sleep. All of the kids are sleeping on the living room floor. I used to love doing this as a kid. Staring at the Christmas tree 'til I fell asleep. Christmas really is the best.